Depression Sets In
by Gilly Bean
Summary: Selphie and Irvine went beyond 'just friends' and there were consequences. Selphie runs from it, but trouble seeks her out. Will Selphie and Irvine reconcile? Will things ever be the way they used to be? Will Selphie even survive?
1. Reasons

**Chapter 1: Reasons**

_He picked me up  
Then he dropped me on my ass  
I could have shattered  
But honey I'll tell you  
Everything's wonderful  
Why do you ask?  
Why do you ask?_  
_

* * *

_

I look to the right at Irvine as he sleeps. Sighing, I think over what took place a couple hours earlier. My hands clutch the sheet to my body as I slide out of the bed and reach for my bra and underwear on the floor and slip into them. The sheet falls to the floor as I head for the bathroom where I close the door silently and flip on the light. Reaching the shower I remove my under clothes once again and step into the stream of warm water. My body shudders as the water slices down my skin and I wash my hair and body before reaching through the curtain for a towel. I wrap the fluffy material around myself and step out of the stall.

"What the hell were you thinking, Selphie?" I question my reflection in the mirror. Another sigh escapes my lips as I study my mirror image. I dress again in my underwear and proceed back into the other room to look for the rest of my clothes. Once fully dressed I glance at the clock: 5:13 am. I open the door to let myself out, looking back to the man lying in the bed. He shifts in his sleep, taking up the spot I recently vacated and I tiptoe back over to the bedside and lean over him. Studying him for a minute I sigh before reaching out and carefully brushing his hair back from his face and kissing his cheek as soft as possible, trying to avoid waking him. Before I leave I lean down so that my lips brush his ear and whisper something that has been haunting my soul for a long time.

"I love you, Irvine. Take care of yourself, okay?" Then I slip out of his room.

I walk down the halls of Garden, my jacket draped over my left arm. A shiver courses through me and I look at my feet as I go, thinking about my options. My mind made up, I hesitantly walk back to my own room. Once there I pick up a duffle bag and fill it with as many of my belongings as I can. I do the same thing with my backpack, removing my SeeD passport and train pass and sitting them on my desk. I am just about to put them into my purse when I catch sight of myself in my mirror. I look at myself closely. I've let my hair grow since our adventures with the sorceress, and it now reaches to the base of my shoulder blades. Irvine has said on several occasions how much he loves my hair long, and an irrational anger takes over as I stare at my mirror image. The anger makes me reach out and grab a pair of scissors that are conveniently sitting on my dresser. Cringing at first when I chop my hair, I soon smile as the strands fall away. I keep cutting it, past my shoulders until finally I style I stop when it is chin-length. It is not very stylish, and it is choppy and uneven but I don't care right now. Currently I am still too hurt to care about anything. Looking at the clock now I silently swear because it's 7:49. Too late for me to leave today, but that doesn't mean I can't lay low for a while. Opening a couple drawers and pulling out clothes I look at them with distaste; I really need to go shopping for new clothes. I open my closet and shuffle through looking at my dresses and finally pull out a pair of faded blue jeans and a tight black t-shirt. There is just no way I can put on a bright sundress today, I'm not in the mood. After getting dressed I decide to get something to eat before all of my friends are up and about.

I make my way slowly to the cafeteria and study as many details of Balamb Garden as I can. As I walk I try to suppress memories of what happened last night, but my brain brings them up anyway. It had gone farther than I had intended. Irvine and I have been friends since the orphanage, but I have always felt more than just friendship towards him. I've always had a love for him that I didn't have for anybody else. It had sort of scared me that I had these feelings, and I tried to keep them safely hidden away. Last night had been a mistake. I always promised myself that I wouldn't have sex until I was married, and last night I cheated myself out of that promise. It perplexes me, why I let him seduce me into bed with him…I am positive that he doesn't care for me any more this morning than he did yesterday. I, on the other hand, can't get him out of my head. We'd been talking and laughing in his room, regaling one another with the tales of our most recent missions when he had suddenly reached out and stroked my face. My smile and laughter promptly died in my throat and I'd raised my eyes, wondering what he was doing. Then he had kissed me; the best kiss I've ever had in my life. And things continued from there. When it was all over, though, Irvine had turned away from me and fallen asleep, and I was left with the the glaring reality that I had been used. What other explanation was there?

The idea is new to me…but my mind taunts me with the realization that he may have never cared for me at all, that maybe it was just a ploy to get me into his bed and live out a fantasy. Perhaps I was a special challenge for him, because I was not an easy catch. Ha! I wound up being a lot easier than he probably thought I would be. All this is running through my head as I walk through the corridors of the Garden. I don't see the people I run into, nor do I acknowledge their presence, I just keep walking...wherever it is that my legs are taking me. Finally looking up when my body halts I see that I've at least managed to wander to the cafeteria. Entering the doors I look around and notice that Quistis and Sally (Zell's girlfriend) are sitting at a table together, having a conversation. Quistis looks up and calls me over, a frown appearing on her face. I try to smile, and to put the bounce in my step so nobody will know that something is wrong, but fail.

I sit down at the table with two of my best friends and they both just stare at me. My mind begins to chant 'I'm invisible. They can't see me. I'm invisible…' as I sit in the uncomfortable chair.

"Selphie, are you alright?" Quistis questions, reaching out and taking hold of my left hand.

"No." The word slips through my lips before I have time to stop it and I look up with a horrified expression.

"What's wrong?"

I remain silent.

"Come on Selph, you know you can tell us anything. Now what's the matter? You look like your pet just died…" Quistis' voice fades away as she gets a thoughtful look. No doubt she's trying to figure out what would make me, the ever-cheerful and upbeat Selphie, sad.

"No, I'm fine." Again I try to force a smile, but it feels plastic.

"Babe, you know that I don't believe you. If you want to tell me—"

"I slept with Irvine." Quistis freezes, literally freezes, staring at me with wide eyes. I've never _told_ anyone about my feelings for Irvine, but of all of my friends the one quick enough and observant enough to notice would definitely be Quistis, and by the look that flits over her face I know that she has figured it out.

"What happened? How did this happen?" Quistis questions, very serious.

"I didn't even know that you liked Irvine like that!" Sally exclaims. Quistis gives her a quick disbelieving look that makes me smile a little. Sometimes Quistis seems to forget that she is practically a genius and is likely to be a few steps aheahd of the rest of us. Not that any of us are stupid, but she is definitely the smartest among us, as well as the best at reading people. That is why I trusted her when it came to her choice of boyfriend. If Quistis approved of Seifer, then who the hell am I to question her decision? It brought Quistis and I a lot closer, because I was the only one other than Irvine to embrace the two of them without hesitation.

"It just happened, Quis." My lower lip trembles, and my hands tighten into fists as I try to control my emotions.

"Selphie...come here, sweetie." I'm enveloped in Quistis's arms as she tries her best to comfort me.

"What exactly happened, Selphie? Maybe if you tell us we can help." Sally prods, putting her hand on my shoulder.

Hesitant, I look around the cafeteria. "Can we go somewhere a little less crowded and…obvious?" I inquire.

"Of course!" They both reply simultaneously.

We make our way to the secret meeting place in the training center. Once there both women turn to me, expectant.

"Like I said...I slept with Irvine last night."

"Yes, but why would that depress you? I know that you love him." Damn, Quistis is not holding anything back.

"Be…because I feel like I cheated myself out of my own promise." The lie slips out like Jell-O off a plate—I've gotten good at covering up my feelings.

Quistis and Sally both sit there and stare at the ground, thinking. Finally Quistis looks up.

"Was it your idea?"

"Not really. It was more him…I wasn't too sure about it at first." They absorb this information, and I see Quistis' face twitch and I know that she's getting mad. Trying to defuse her anger, I quickly add, "But it's not like he made me or anything. He just started kissing me and I completely lost my mind and forgot all about stopping. Forgot about everything, actually."

"That doesn't explain why you are sad, though. I could understand being a little angry with yourself about breaking a promise...but it doesn't explain the sorrow." Shit, why does Quistis have to be _so_ observant? Why does she have to know me so well?

"I suppose...well..." I trail off, feeling uncomfortable talking about this at all, let alone with Sally present because...don't get me wrong, I love the girl but I just am not as close to her as I am to Quistis. I'm not close enough to her to feel calm explaining this in her presence. Quistis seems to get it, and surprisingly Sally seems to catch on as well.

She looks at her watch and exclaims, "Crap, I'm going to be late for my shift in the library! I'll see you two later!" Even though I know that it is Friday and she does not have to work until noon on Fridays. Bless her, though. Once she is gone, Quistis's shrewd eyes refocus on me.

"Okay, so...we slept together. And it was...like the first time that you use magic. It was beyond description, I was on cloud nine. Then Irvine kisses my shoulder, turns away from me and falls asleep. I felt...I _feel_ used." Quistis takes her time, mulling over what I said before replying.

"What do you plan to do about it?"

"I...I'm all packed and ready to go. I suppose I have to go talk to Cid about it, but I think I'll transfer back to Trabia. I can be with my old friends and…" My voice cracks and tears well up in my eyes. I look back at Quistis and I can see the concern in her eyes.

"So you're leaving Balamb altogether?"

I nod. "If I stay here I think I might go crazy. I swear to you if I see him with just one other girl I'll snap, and I don't want to do that. I can't be jealous over someone who isn't even mine to be jealous about so it is best if I remove myself from the situation."

"You aren't even going to confront him about what happened? I mean...maybe there is an explanation for how he behaved." I love Quistis so much, she is the big sister I never had, but I have to remember that she also cares about Irvine. He's her kid brother, and she loves him every bit as much as she does all of us from the orphanage.

"I couldn't handle that, Quisty. I think that...maybe some time apart will help me clear my head. I'm not saying that I'm going away forever, but for now I think this is my best option."

"I can't believe Irvine has made such a mess of things, that ass! Ohh…when I see him again I am beating some sense into him with Save the Queen!" Quistis growls, though she looks at me with concern. Probably because I'e started to cry.

I look up and smile a little through my tears. "No, Quistis, don't hurt him. Please? And…don't tell him where I've gone, okay? If he even cares."

Quistis reluctantly nods her head in agreement, though I can still see that she would like to beat Irvine to his deathbed. Hell, she probably still will give him some sort of anguish…if not physical, then mental.

"Come on, Sefie, lets go get you cleaned up and I'll fix this hair of your if you want." As she says this she reaches out and fingers the uneven strands of hair I massacred earlier. This makes me choke on laughter, and she helps me to my feet so we can go back to my room.

Quistis helps me get the rest of my bags packed, and then sits me on a chair in the bathroom where she fixes the damage to my hair. She cuts my hair into a trendy bob, and I'm amazed when I see what she has done. I barely recognize myself in the mirror—I look more mature, like a true grown up. While I get over the shock of my new hair and try to hold myself together Quistis goes up and sets an appointment for me to see Cid. My clothes got dirty in the training center, so I change into khaki track pants with a green zipper all the way up both legs, and a navy blue t-shirt with names of all the people who had been on my soccer team at Trabia written in white on the back. A slight smile lights up my face at the prospect of being able to play soccer again. For some reason that I never figured out, they don't have soccer teams at Balamb. I stare at my reflection in the mirror and unconsciously reach a hand up to my short tresses.

Quistis doen't even knock when she returns, she just quietly enters my room. "You have an appointment next week, Thursday. I have a feeling he'll let you go. And if he doesn't, well, we'll go to Matron then." A loving smile lights up Quistis' face as she looks at me. "I feel as though I'm sending my little sister back out into the world. I'm coming to visit you, so be prepared." With that said, Quistis hugs me tightly and leaves me to myself.

The week passes by in a flash—probably because I don't do much except sleep—and I find myself glaring down the throat of my meeting with Headmaster Cid. Keys in hand I head for the elevator. My mind wanders as I walk, and a picture of Irvine enters my minds eye. I force a frown at the thought and continue walking. Once on the elevator I begin to get nervous. What am I going to tell Cid? He's going to want some reasoning behind my moving back to my old Garden. My mind works fast as the elevator comes to a stop on the third floor. I exit and walk through the doors to come face to face with the Headmaster.

"Ah, Selphie Tilmitt. What can I do for you?" He's the same rumpled father-figure I've always known, and this puts me more at ease. Cid has always wanted what's best for all of us, wanted us to be happy. If he thinks returning to Trabia will make me happy he'll agree.

"Uhh, I came to ask a huge favor, Headmaster."

"And what may that be?" He removes his glasses and rubs his eyes before giving me all of his attention.

"I want to go back to Trabia Garden. I miss all of my old friends and playing soccer and…I want to go back." That was so lame, Selphie.

"Well, I must say I didn't see this one coming. I thought you were happy here with the gang from the orphanage—"

"Oh, I am happy here. It's just…I really miss my old home. Squall and them, they can visit me and I can visit them."

Headmaster Cid opens his mouth as though he is about to say something, and I see in his eyes that it is probably going to be a question I don't want to answer. Then he closes his mouth and nods his head.

"Okay, Selphie. I'll allow you a transfer. Be ready to move out next week. I'll have the gang take you there in the Ragnorak." Cid nods to me, and I salute him before leaving the office, hoping with everything I have that Irvine will still be on his mission next week.

* * *

**Author's Notes:** Revised! Tell me what you think! The song at the beginning is _Everything's Wonderful_ by Abbie Travis. I felt it fits Selphie in this chapter because she is always trying to make everyone believe that things are okay, even though they aren't.


	2. Striking Out

**Chapter 2: Striking Out**

_Help me breathe,  
Help me believe,  
You seem really glad that I am sad._

_You are not my friend,  
I cannot pretend that you are._

* * *

I exit Headmaster Cid's office with sadness. The thought of going back to the place that holds most of my memories from age ten and up has little thrill at the moment; all I can think about is everything that I am leaving behind—the friends and the man that I love, regardless of how he feels about me. I stare at my feet as I make my way back to the elevator and from there to my room. I run into someone on my way and ignore the person's protests. Reaching a hand up to tug on my hair I get only air. A sigh sneaks out, a habit that is beginning to grow on me, as I remember my heated chopping of my long tresses. Upon reaching my door I grope in my pocket for a key and come up empty. Becoming frustrated with how this day is treating me I kick the door and it swings open. I shrug my shoulders and enter, closing the door behind me. I find my keys on the floor by the door—I must have dropped them in my hurry to get to Cid's office. I place them on a table by the door.

Flopping down on my bed my eyelids droop as I stare at the red numbers on the clock. The next thing I know I'm waking up to pounding on my door. Dragging myself up I answer it, seeing Rinoa, Squall and Zell standing there looking angry and confused. I turn and walk back into my apartment, leaving the door open for them. They enter and glance around at the condition of my living quarters, the barrenness of my apartment. Rinoa is the first to speak.

"We got called into Headmaster Cid's office a little while ago. He informed us of your plan."

"Yeah? I figured he would," I yawn.

"Selphie, what's going on here?" Squall inquires.

"Well, at least one of you can get straight to the point. I figured it would be you, Squall. You're not the 'beat around the bush' kind. I just want to go home. I miss things at Trabia and…well, I'm tired of the way things are here."

"What do you mean?" Zell questions, the muscles in his forearm flexing as he opens and closes his fist. I recognize this as his habit when he is frustrated, and the fact that I know them all so well just about tears me apart because I really don't want to leave them. However, I _cannot_ stay here where Irvine is, and there is my problem.

"I'm just tired of—shit, the truth is I'm just not _happy_ here. I miss playing soccer, I miss my friends from Trabia...I want to go on missions—_do_ something! Plus, I need to get myself away from Irvine."

"What the hell does Irvine have to do with all of this?" Zell's eyes look a little wild. Shit.

"He has nothing to do with it except that I'm..." can I really admit to them I'm in love with him? No. No, I cannot. What do I say, then? "Listen, it's personal, and I'd rather keep that to myself. Just take me at my word, I need to get myself away from him, and it is all my doing." They look like they might still protest, so I rush to reassure them by telling them, "This is just a temporary sort of thing, guys. I'm sure that I'll be back here this time next year. I just need a little time away to get myself back together and everything. I can't think of a better place to go than where I called home for a majority of my life."

"What the hell happened? I never got the impression you were unhappy until just now, Selphie."

"Nothing happened! I'm just a much better actress than I thought apparently, because I have been sort of miserable recently. You should all know by now, though, that I'll hide that. It's just how I am. But now I need some time, I need to figure things out because I cannot be like this, I cannot pretend anymore. I just—I just want to get out of here!" I almost broke out of my tight lie. It almost slipped—but not quite. And while Quistis would have seen through my lie (and not just because she actually knows the truth), the rest of them don't know me as well as she does. They don't know my capabilities when it comes to telling lies. I guess they still see me as the naïve one.

Zell opens his mouth, but a look from Rinoa cuts him off.

"I understand, Phie. You need to be away from here for a while. And we won't say anything to Irvine." I catch a look in Squall's eyes that makes me panic a little.

"Listen, I made Quistis promise me this, and I'm going to make all of you do the same. And if you see Seifer you have to tell him also. You are not to hurt Irvine. Just leave him alone, and please don't pry. This isn't his fault, it's mine."

They all agree to my request and I thank them, not knowing how much I am asking of them. Slowly, they stand up and head for the door, and I watch them walk down the corridor for a minute before going back inside. I lay down on the couch and fall back into a deep slumber. The rest of my time at Balamb rushes by with me sleeping most of the time. I've never been this lethargic, or slept this much in my life.

* * *

I wake up the morning of my departure and finish packing my things into duffle bags. Just as I finish there is a knock on the door and I walk over and answer it to see Irvine standing there. I freeze with the door cracked and my body blocking the entrance. Shit, what does he want? Why is he back? He is supposed to be on a mission, damn it!

"Sefie." He sounds and looks shocked, and when he reaches out and strokes my hair I remember that he hasn't seen me since I lost my mind and took it out on my hair.

I continue to stare at him, forcing my eyes to remain indifferent while a volcano of emotion erupts inside of me. The anxiety in his eyes draws my attention as he stands there.

"What do you want?" my voice holds less ice than I intended, and instead it comes out almost fearful.

"Can I come in?"

"No. No, you can't," I fight against the fear in my voice and force the answer out. An expression crosses his face, but it is gone before I can identify it.

"Aw, come on Sefie. I need to talk to you." I glance behind me to make sure the room holds no clues that I am leaving. It doesn't. But it also doesn't hold anything that would make one think I live here. The space is bare of all of my usual knick knacks and photos, there are no random shoes by the coffee table, no books or magazines thrown haphazardly on arm rests or side tables. No, he cannot come in, he'll know something is wrong.

"I said no, and I mean it. I don't feel like talking." I shrink back a little as anger crosses his face; he _never_ gets angry with me. He pushes the door open and enters my quarters. I stumble a little from the sudden loss of my support. The room spins as I try to regain my balance and I notice my world has gone blurry. Reaching up I brush away a tear before it escapes my lashes and brace myself against the now closed door to try to get rid of my dizziness. As I regain my bearings I look to Irvine. He is staring at me, concern in his eyes. And why shouldn't he be concerned? He barely pushed the door, and I almost fell over. That's not normal.

"I need to talk to you, Selph."

"No you don't. I don't feel like talking—I can't even think straight right now." I put a hand on either side of my head to stop the rooms spinning, so I don't notice Irvine moving towards me, and all I hear is slurred together jargon.

"Selphie, are you okay?"

That is the only thing I make out before I get sick. Before I have time to react my stomach rejects everything I've eaten the past twenty-four hours. I stand in the same spot gasping for air, my hands resting on my knees.

"Damn it, could you not turn the other way?" Irvine shouts as I try to stay on my feet. My legs have started shaking under my weight and I feel light headed. I glare up at him from under my lashes. I reach a hand up to wipe some hair from my eyes and realize that I've broken out into a cold sweat. It is then that I see that my vomit landed all over Irvine's shoes. Serves him right.

"No, sorry. I wasn't planning on doing that or anything. If you'll excuse me, I don't feel very good, so either hurry up with what you wanted to say or get out so I can rest." He reaches out and steadies me as I am quite literally swaying on my feet. I feel a surge of love for him as he rubs my arms to make me feel better, but that is a dangerous emotion right now so I quickly clamp down on it.

"I came about what happened—between us. Now I'm a little worried—about you. I realized that we didn't use any protection, and—"

"And you came to see if I'm pregnant? I'm not a complete dunce, you know. I've been on birth control since I was 15, Irvine. But even if I was, I'd take care of everything like I always do."

"That's not what—"

"Can you just get out of my room? You woke me up and I got a major head rush—that's why I threw up. And now I'm getting a headache. I want to go back to bed."

Irvine takes the hint and leaves. He turns back to me at the door and opens his mouth as though he is going to say something but then he shuts it and stares at me for a minute. "I'm leaving for a mission in a few minutes, but when I get back I want to talk to you about what happened, Selphie." Then he closes the door behind him, and I cannot help but wonder if that is the last time I will ever see him.

A sob escapes my throat as I stumble my way to the bathroom. Once there I throw up again. I hug the toilet for a few minutes longer before my tears subside and I have nothing left in my stomach to purge. Standing up I look at myself in the mirror. For the first time I let myself think about what I would do if I am pregnant, but quickly banish the thought as soon as it enters my mind. I reach for my toothbrush and scrub my teeth and tongue to annihilate the taste of bile that lingers in my mouth. Spitting into the sink and rinsing with water before I exit the bathroom, I take deep breaths to calm myself and get back under control within minutes. Then I proceed to clean up the mess remaining on the floor by the door. I choke as I do so, the mere thought of vomiting making my stomach lurch. Rushing back into the bathroom, I dry heave for a few more minutes.

After I finish, there is another knock at my door. This time it is Rinoa, Sally, and Quistis.

"We came to help you with your stuff. We're leaving in two hours, but I figured we could put your stuff on the Ragnorak and then catch a late breakfast. Is that okay with you?" Quistis explains.

"Yes, that's fine. I'm starving." More than they could guess.

The next half hour is spent moving my belongings onto the air-ship. Quistis and Rinoa joke the whole time to keep the mood light, and I find myself laughing with them a few times.

"Rinoa, try to put things down in a more organized manner."

"Quistis, we don't have time to be anal retentive."

"Yes, but a little organization wouldn't hurt."

"Yes it will. It will hurt my empty stomach," I complain.

"I swear you think about food as much as Zell! You need help." I stick my tongue out at Quistis and she just laughs in reply.

"Hey Quistis?"

"Yes Rin?"

Rinoa turns to me with an evil grin. "Would you be my friend if one of my eyes was crossed?" She proceeds to cross one eye and look at Quistis with the other one.

"No, I would not," Quistis replies with a straight face, turning back to her work. She winks at me and gives a slight smile, which makes me chuckle, and Rinoa sticks her tongue out at both of us, mimicking my earlier action. I'm going to miss them.

We finish piling my belongings into the storage room on the Ragnorak and head for the cafeteria. Once there we sit at a table in the corner and talk.

"Are we just going to sit here forever or are we going to get food?" Sally questions after a while.

We all look at each other, then at once jump up and head for the line. We burst into laughter at the same time once we reach the line and that only makes us laugh harder. I reach out and pick up some pancakes and bacon and walk down to the cashier. I type in my number and wait for Quistis and Rinoa to do the same. We walk back to the table and sit down to eat. I take a bite of my pancakes and realize how hungry I am.

"Selphie, are you trying to be Zell?" Quistis inquires as she observes me shoving food into my mouth. We all cackle and I choke on the food in my mouth, which only causes our laughter to increase, and my ab muscles begin to ache. I look up and happen to see Seifer enter the cafeteria while I swallow the food in my mouth.

"Quistis, lover boy just came in," I tease. I guess it's still just a little weird that those two are dating. She is the one that got Seifer re-admitted into Garden. He was instated as a SeeD after passing the test two weeks after his return. As weird as it is, I'll miss seeing them together when I'm gone. He strides over to our table and sits in one of the empty chairs.

"You girls almost ready to go?"

"Just about. Right now we're trying to figure out how Selphie can fit so much food in her mouth," Quistis replies.

I cover my face with my hands and feign embarrassment. "Quistis!"

"No, really! She could give Zell a run for his money!"

I lay my head in my arms on the table and my whole body shakes with laughter. Just as I'm calming down I get a strange sensation in my stomach. I jump to my feet and race for the bathroom in the cafeteria. Quistis follows.

I get to the toilet just in time to lose most of what I just ate. Quistis smoothes what's left of my hair back for me and strokes my back as my bottomless pit empties itself. My legs shake under my weight and my hands tremble as I reach for a tissue. When I finish purging myself Quistis helps me back into the cafeteria. Rinoa and Seifer give me a strange look.

"Selphie, are you going to be okay? You're awfully pale," Quistis whispers in my ear as she helps me back into my seat. I take deep breaths to steady myself.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I think I've over-exerted myself emotionally and physically the past twenty-four hours."

Quistis nods, but her eyes say she doesn't believe me. "Promise me you'll see the doctor when we get to Trabia, okay?"

I look her in the eyes and know she won't have it any other way. I give her a weak smile and nod. "Only for you Quisty."

She grins back at me, "I know."

We sit at the table for a minute or so more while I recover my 'land legs'. When I feel better I stand up.

"Lets get going. Squall is going to be pissed if we're late."

"He'll get over it…after all, I'm with you." Rinoa smirks and leads the way to the Ragnorak. When we reach it I trudge up the steps and into the seating area. Squall comes down from the cockpit and frowns for a minute. Rinoa rushes up to him and whispers something in his ear. I pull my compact out of my purse and look at myself: my face is very ashen, there are dark circles under my eyes, and I can feel my stomach roiling. I sit back in my chair and close my eyes. My body jolts with the ship as it takes off and I sink deeper into my seat.

The whole ride to Trabia is filled with laughing and joking around. Everyone is trying to keep the mood light for me. I have the best friends, I think. Halfway there, Quistis and Rinoa bust out a picnic basket of food they stowed away on the ship. We all enjoy ourselves eating, and before we know it Ragnorak is landing. We exit and look around at the renovated Garden. I breathe in the cool, fresh air and smile. I missed this place. We carry my things to the room I'm assigned to and then head to the cafeteria for our last meal together. After eating, I say my goodbyes—making sure to get promises from all the girls that they will come visit me, knowing they will drag their boyfriends along as well. I wave as the Ragnorak takes off. Once it is out of sight, I head back to my room. They assigned me to the room right next to my best friend here—Rowen. She is in the hallway when I reach it.

"Selphie! It's so good to see you!" We hug each other. She steps back and looks at me. "Your hair looks so cute!"

"Thanks, so does yours!" She has put her auburn hair into an intricate weave on the top of her head, and the rest is up in a clip, similar to Quistis'.

"Come on, girl!" She pulls me down the hall, away from my door.

"Where?"

"I promised Quistis that you would keep your promise and see Dr. Jevir. Now lets go!"

I groan. "Can't I go see her tomorrow?"

"Nope, you're going now! While it is still fresh in our minds!" I let her lead me to the infirmary. I enter and look around. It looks almost identical to Balamb's infirmary, except for Dr. Jevir's personal touches.

I clear my throat and the doctor looks up.

"Well I'll be! Selphie Tilmitt! What brings you back here?"

"Oh, I moved back today!"

"Ah! So what can I do for you?"

"Well, I haven't been feeling too great recently…"

"Okay, take a seat on the table."

I watch as she gets out her clipboard and fills in my name.

"You know the drill, I have to ask you all sorts of questions…"

"Yeah, I remember."

"Here we go! Name—got it. Age?"

"19."

"What are your symptoms?"

"It seems that just about every time I eat it all comes back up. It woke me up this morning…and after I ate my breakfast it all came back up."

"Have you eaten anything else today?"

"I nibbled a little at lunch time and then I ate dinner, and so far that has stayed down."

"Okay. Have you had a fever?"

"No."

"Dizziness?"

"Yes! The worst dizziness I've ever had this morning, just before I threw up." She notes this on the clipboard then looks over it all.

"I think you just have a stomach virus. There's not much I can do about it but tell you to eat in small increments and drink plenty of fluids. If it doesn't go away on its own or it gets worse, come see me. We'll go from there."

I smile at her as she hands me a lollipop and I jump off the table to leave her office. Rowen is waiting outside the door.

"So?"

"She said it is probably just a stomach virus."

"Ew, stay away from me!" She jokes, pushing me farther away from her. I slap her arm and she hugs me. "You know I love you Selph!" We walk back to our rooms together and say good night when I reach my door. I open it and step into my new room. I look around and sigh: I have a lot of things to unpack. I set to work arranging the room the way I like it. Once I put the furniture where I want it I turn to the boxes containing my belongings. I tear the one marked 'Bedroom' open and begin pulling things out. I make my bed, put my clothes in my dresser and closet, set up my electronics (TV, Computer, Stereo, phone, etc.), and decorate the room. I glance at the clock and it reads 9 pm and, yawning, I decide to call it a night. I change into my pajamas and fall asleep at a quarter after nine.

* * *

**Author's Notes:** There! This one has been revamped as well! I felt like editing today! The song is _Not My Friend_ by Norah Jones. Well, Hopefully I'll post this soon…

Gilly Bean the cranky!

* * *


	3. Miserable Monday's

**Chapter 3: Miserable Monday's…**

_So much for love I guess  
We been wronged but it's alright  
Cause I'm moving on_

I've got my car all packed  
With cassette tapes and suitcases  
And loose change and cheap cigarettes  
I'm gonna stop at every truck stop  
And make small talk with waiters and truck driving men  
I'm gonna fall asleep in the backseat  
With no one around but me and my friends

* * *

It's been three weeks since I came back to Trabia. Lots of things have happened since then. A big one is that I am once again on the soccer team. That's the second best thing that has happened to me here, the first being that I'm finally over my stomach virus; I haven't thrown up in three days! As much as that doesn't sound like an accomplishment, trust me, it is one. It took a lot of work to hide my prolonged sickness from Rowen.

I walk down the corridor from my dorm to the cafeteria. It's Monday. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate Monday's? Well, it's a recent development. Walking into the cafeteria I join the line, grabbing French toast, a giant pickle, and pineapple juice before punching in my ID number and bouncing over to the table where Rowen is sitting. She looks up and smiles.

"Looks like coming here is just what you needed! You're much more smiley today—and it's a Monday! Your arch enemy." She glances at my tray. "What the hell are you eating?" She makes a face.

"Breakfast, genius."

"But…ah, forget it. The eating habits of Selphie Tilmitt—they should make a documentary about it!"

"Ha ha." I dig into my food, finishing it in a matter of minutes. Just as I'm about to sit back in my chair I get a familiar sensation in my stomach. I stand up and speed walk to the bathroom, where my nourishment promptly re-enters the world. I wipe my mouth with tissue and turn to see Rowen standing behind me, her arms crossed.

"Come on, you're going to see Dr. Jevir right now." She grabs me by the arm and pulls me. As if I have much of a choice.

We enter the infirmary and Dr. Jevir shakes her head when Rowen tells her that I'm still getting sick. She shoos Rowen out of the exam room and turns her attention to me, her face looking a little too grim for me to be calm.

"Selphie, I'm going to run a few tests on you. I think I have a pretty good idea what it is though." Unfortunately, I'm beginning to think I do, too. She draws blood and sends it through a machine, pulling the paper that comes out and looking at the results.

"Miss Tilmitt, have you been sexually active recently?" I nod, wringing my hands together. Please don't let this be what I think it is.

"Well, I'm going to give you this paper, and you can do with it what you want." She hands me the paper, and I fold it in half, not glancing at it.

"I'll look at it in my apartment, thank you." I stand up and hurry toward my room. Rowen catches up with me outside the infirmary and asks what's wrong.

"Nothing, I just caught that virus again. I think I drank out of a water bottle in the fridge…probably picked up the germs again from that."

I excuse myself once we reach our doors, saying I want to rest. I throw the paper onto the table as if it is burning me and stare at it. This lone piece of paper has my whole future on it. I get up my courage and sit on the couch in front of the table. Extending an arm out I draw the paper close, unfolding it and reading what it says. Positive. I'm pregnant. My worst nightmare has come true. What am I going to do? I have nobody to fall back on, not that I would allow anyone to help me with this anyway. This is _my _problem. It's not that I don't want kids, just…not now. I'm only 19, I'm single, and I'm really confused.

"What am I going to do?" I have no one to turn to this time.

I cry my heart out, not caring who hears me and slide off the edge of the couch onto the floor where I place my head in my arms on the table. This blessing is a curse for me. My child is going to grow up like me…never grasping quite who they are. Well, at least they'll have one parent. I place my hand on my toned stomach and whisper to the human inside me.

"I promise that, no matter what, you'll know who you are...and who your parents are. I will not let you feel abandoned like I did. But I don't know what we're going to do." My mind races as I think of how to explain this one away. There is no lie, no excuse to cover up with. I'm either going to have to take the fall for this one, or resign. My mind flashes to what happens if I tell the Headmaster. When I was fourteen, my Instructor got pregnant and they took the child away from her as soon as it was born. She never even got to see her baby boy. That was her punishment, I suppose, for choosing to stay with Garden. This is just no place to raise children, and everyone I've ever heard of in Garden that had a baby wound up giving it up for adoption. Not that they can take your baby from you, but...you lose your edge if you are always worried about your kid. For a SeeD, the choice is your child or your job. And with no job, how will you support a child? So, most female SeeD who find themselves "in the baby way" wind up making that horrible decision. But I know what it is like to grow up without parents. No way am I letting that happen. I gather my courage and push myself off the floor. I have to be strong now. I trip over to my desk and pull out the envelope that is standard in every SeeD room. It is full of papers for vacations, trips, mission write ups. Pulling a piece of paper out with the SeeD letterhead on it, I steel myself to write my letter of resignation. I grip a pen and begin writing the letter. No one will know about this but me and Dr. Jevir, and I know she won't breathe a word.

My hand shakes as I write my resignation letter, and I take a deep breath before signing the bottom. I slip the papers into an envelope and take a look at myself in the mirror. At least my eyes aren't red any longer. I take my last walk through the halls of Trabia and into the Headmaster's office, where I lay the envelope on his desk. He looks up at me and pulls out the papers, scanning them.

"Miss Tilmitt, is there any specific reason you want to resign?"

"Sir, I'm tired of fighting. Things have...changed." That is one of the biggest lies I have ever told. I live to use my nunchaku in battle. He stares at me for a moment.

"Is there any hope that I may change your mind?"

"No, sir. This is what I choose."

"Do you know where you're going to go?"

"Not yet, sir. I'll figure it out." He nods and signs on the line, giving me permission to leave.

"I suggest Timber. It's quiet, the perfect place to be if you don't want to fight."

I'd been thinking of all possible cities I could go, and Timber was not on the list of top places. Rinoa goes there a lot and I don't want to run into any of my old friends. This baby will have a fresh start, _I'll_ have a fresh start.

"Thank you, sir. I'll take that into account." I salute him and leave his office.

When I get back to my room I begin to pack my things up again. At least I hadn't gotten around to unpacking _all_ of my stuff. My work is fast, I'm done in a matter of hours. Now I have time to think. I slump into the couch and make a mental list of places I could go. My brain is too tired to think so instead of deciding where I want to settle, I decide that I should get out of here and go somewhere that I can figure it out. For that I need a large city, somewhere I'm not likely to be recognized. Galbadia. With some sort of plan under my belt, I ponder how I can get out without anyone noticing. Nobody is to know where I'm going or why. This is my life now, and I plan to grasp it and start new. I sift through my magic supply and find small. I use it on all of my luggage, and it all shrinks down so that it fits into my purse. Those damn things came in handy, for once. I grab my debit card—I have enough money saved up on this sucker to pay for anything. All those years of receiving a top level salary but not having to buy anything but the occasional clothing item or junk food are going to pay off.

I look at my watch—it's ten o'clock. Good, everyone will be asleep now. It's past curfew. I open my door and close the door as quiet as I can, throwing the key to my dorm into an envelope and placing it in the general mail shoot for Trabia, labeled for the Headmaster. I walk out of the front gates of Trabia and turn to look back at the structure. I blow a kiss to the building and its residents before continuing on my way. I go to Trabia first and get a ticket to Galbadia. When the airship arrives I board and say farewell to my fighting days. It doesn't take long to reach Galbadia, and when we get there I climb off the ship totally exhausted. This baby is already changing things for me, because I used to be able to stay awake for 48 hours straight without looking it. Now, I stay awake for 16 hours and look like hell. Gathering the rest of my energy I make my way into the city where I check into a hotel for the night. The man at the front desk gives me a funny look when I rest my head on my arms while he's checking me in. When he asks for a name, I almost panic before coming up with Sarah Talbucks. Shit. I'm going to have to find some way to get my name changes without it being traceable. That will require I find someone who can make me fake ID's and transfer the money out of my bank accounts. Fuck, why did I not think of this stuff before I left Garden? It would have been a piece of cake for some of the computer nerds to do all of this for me. But no, it is better that a SeeD not do that for me because then they could be questioned about it and would be obligated to tell the truth. Someone clearing their throat cuts into my thoughts and I look up to see the man behind the front desk looking annoyed and holding out my keycard. I take it from him with a weak smile before heading to my room to think.

This is a large city, there is bound to be ways to have all of this taken care of. The problem lies in finding them. But I will put that off until tomorrow, because right now I am so tired I am getting a migraine. Once in my room, I collapse on top of the bed and am asleep within minutes.

* * *

Waking up in Galbadia is a completely different experience than waking in Centra, Balamb, or Trabia. All of my former homes are located in very quiet places, and Galbadia is an extremely noisy city. Even on the third floor I can hear horns honking and people shouting. Climbing out of bed, I prepare for the day and then try to plot how I will find someone to change my identity. With a sigh, I once again arm myself with my nunchaku and head for the bad part of town. My best bet of finding someone to do the job will be there.

After questioning people in seven hellholes over the course of two days, I wearily make my way into a very sketchy bar in downtown Galbadia. Flopping down in a booth, my stomach demands food and I decide here is as good as anywhere to eat dinner. A rude middle-aged woman comes over to take my order.

"Whatcha want, girly?" I have yet to look at my menu, but a quick glance shows that my options are minimal. I decide there isn't much a person can do to ruin a cheeseburger and order that, along with a bottled water. As I'm sitting there waiting for my food, a grungy man approaches and takes a seat opposite me.

"What's a proper lady like you doing in here, huh girl?" I narrow my eyes at him, but don't answer. "There's only a handfula reasons a girl like yerself comes in a dive like this." Still I give no response, just maintain a steady stare. "One, you got yerself a badboy you keeping warm at night, and he lives around these parts. Two, you lost. Three, you looking for trouble, in which case you came to the right place."

"I'm looking for a favor. But I'm not sure you can help me." Best way to get someone to commit a crime is to act like you don't think they can do it.

"Oh, see now I'm interested. Whatcha need, little girl?"

"I need a new identity. The whole shebang, you know. ID, birth certificate, bank accounts..." An unsettling grin breaks out on his face.

"Whatcha gonna give me for it?"

"Can you get all of that?"

"Course I can. I got me lots of contacts. But, see, I'm not sure if I should trust you, girly. You ain't the usual type we get through here, ya see, and ya make me suspicious. Who you running from?"

"I'm running from everything and everyone. My entire history, it is all going to be forgotten." I look him right in the eyes as I say, "You see, I'm going to have a baby and lets just say that my past wouldn't take the news so well."

"You got a husband, girly? A mean one's gonna come looking for ya?" I think this over, trying to figure out which answer would get me what I want.

Finally, "Not a husband, but people will look for me. And I don't want to be found. This is my new start, my break from everything I've done in the past. And trust me, girl or not, I've done plenty of stuff under the guise of it being for the better. Better my ass, it was always about who paid more." This seems to pull the man up short momentarily.

"You a mercenary?"

"Yes. A SeeD. Well, I was. I resigned, and now I want to disappear. Can you help me?"

"Well you just one surprise, ain't you girl? Show me some proof." I reach into my bag and pull out my Balamb SeeD ID, handing it to him. He whistles, then stares at me. "This'll cost you. Carlis will love this, though."

"Carlis?"

"He'll do the job."

"And who are you?" My food is practically thrown in front of me by the disgruntled waitress. I give her a big smile and thank her. She grunts in response.

"Just call me Chandis."

Chandis tells me that he will introduce me to Carlis tomorrow morning. We plan to meet at a restaurant down the street, and when I finish my food I make my way back to the hotel and fall asleep.

* * *

My meeting with Carlis and Chandis is very interesting. Despite all signs that these men should not be trusted, I find myself liking them. Carlis says that it will take about two weeks to have everything set up.

"As for the bank accounts, I'll take care of setting it up, but it will be up to you to get your money into it. And speaking of money, this is going to cost you." Carlis is not what I was expecting. I was picturing another man like Chandis: grubby, in need of a shower, very rough and worn looking with a few scars. But Carlis is young, handsome, and well groomed.

"How much?"

"Lets say...fifteen grand." We shake on it, and I let Carlis take a photo of me for the ID, and I give him the name I used at the hotel. Since I plan on paying cash, it won't be a problem with anybody tracing me there. Besides, it is not exactly the kind of place that any of my friends would look for me at.

Carlis leaves, and Chandis leans toward me to whisper, "That's about five grand less than he normally charges for these kinds of jobs. He must have liked you."

"Huh." Now I just have to figure out what to do for two weeks in Galbadia. I'm starting to get twitchy, because I keep thinking that any second I could run into someone who knows me. Any second I could run into Irvine, because most of his missions anymore are through Galbadia Garden. I decide that at least I have to change hotels today so that the people don't start to remember me.

* * *

Two weeks three days, and four hotels later Carlis comes through with everything I'll need to start anew. And it only cost me 15,000 gil. After paying him I have to figure out how to transfer my money. Chandis actually gives me the idea, and soon I am paying another five grand to have him help me wire my money to a series of offshore accounts before finally depositing it into my new account. Sarah Talbucks account. I'm finally ready to make my last disapperaing act. Now to figure out where to disappear to. It hits me as I am walking down the street. I overhear someone mentioning Winhill, and it clicks. Winhill is the perfect place to escape, the perfect place to raise a child. With a destination in mind, I check out of my hotel and head to the nearest car rental place and prepare to leave Galbadia. Just as I'm about to pay to rent a car, someone taps me on the shoulder, and for a moment I panic that I have been found. When I turn, though, there is an old man standing behind me.

"I overheard that you're headed to Winhill." I nod. "Well, I'm on my way there as well, if you need a ride, sweetie." I make a snap decision, and take him up on his offer.

Turns out the older gentleman happens to live in Winhill and was in Galbadia to pick up medicine for his wife. I listen to him avidly, his voice one of those sounds that you just cannot hear enough of. However, I'm so tired that it doesn't take me long to fall asleep to the gentle rocking of the car. When I wake, we are pulling into the small country town. My elderly friend smiles and gestures to the town. I smile back.

"Do you happen to know if the Inn is open still?" He gives a slow nod of the head.

"Yeah, they're still open."

"Hey, do you know if there is a place here that is for sale?"

"Why, yes there is. There's always places for sale here, young lady. As luck would have it though, a young couple moved here quite a few years ago and built a house—real nice place. Then the young woman got sick, and they had to move back to Deling City. Place has been on the market ever since. Not many people come around here looking to stay. You got a young man coming, too?"

"No. He's gone; I lost him two months ago. I came here to get away from it all." I'm not real sure why I hinted that he was dead. While Irvine is dead in my mind, he is still very much alive at Balamb, and in my heart. The old man pats my knee.

"Sorry to hear that honey." I force down tears and turn my head to the window. We pull up in front of the Inn and I climb out.

"Thank you, Mister…"

"Leonard. Dimen Leonard."

"I'm Sarah Talbucks." The new name sounds awkward, and it is weird to think that I will never again be Selphie.

"You just come by the flower shop tomorrow Sarah and I'll show you that house. I'm sort of the resident realtor."

"Thank you so much Mr. Leonard." I close the car door and walk up to the Inn. The woman behind the desk smiles at me.

"What can I do for you, darling?"

"I need a room for the night."

"Well, I think I can do that." She writes in a book and turns it to face me. "Just sign right there and here's your key." I sign my name, remembering to adjust it, and I take the key, giving the woman a smile before walking up the stairs and finding my room. I slip the key into the hole and sigh as I see the room. It's simple, but it holds such beauty to my tired eyes that I wouldn't care if it had a bed of hay. I throw my purse down and close the door, locking it out of habit. I flop onto the bed and am out in an instant.

* * *

I wake to the sun pouring in the window. Looking at my watch I see it's almost noon so I stand up and find my purse, pulling out one of my shrunken bags and returning it to normal size. I pull out a change of clothes and shower before finding the flower shop.

It isn't a hard building to find, especially since I was all over this town with Sir Laguna. I walk in and there is Mr. Leonard, sitting in a rocker next to the owner of the shop, his wife. I smile at them and walk over.

"Ah, Ma, this is the young woman I told you about. So, you here to take a look at the place I told you about?"

"Yes, sir."

"Ah, no need for sir. Makes me feel older than I am."

"Sorry, old habits die hard."

"They sure do. Come along, then. I'll show you the place." He leads me out of the shop and to the edge of town, where he turns off onto a road that leads to the field that Raine is buried on. The house sits overlooking the view. It's beautiful, and I tell Mr. Leonard so. He agrees, and opens the door. The inside of the place is dirty, evidence that nobody has lived in it for a time but it's big enough for me and my child, plus some. I extend my hand to Mr. Leonard.

"I'll take it. Though it will take some fixing up."

"Yes, it has been empty for a while now." We settle on a price and I smile a genuine smile as I look at my house. I get right to work cleaning the place, and to my surprise, as the day progresses people from the town come along to welcome me and pitch in on the cleanup effort. There is only one other young couple in the entire town, and they are both three years older than my 19. They have two children that are adorable, and I play with them for a while. Sheena and Drex, that's their names. Sheena watches as I interact with her children, then in her quiet way, speaks up.

"How far along are you?"

My head snaps up. "What?"

She smiles, putting me at ease. "You're not obvious, but I've had two children. I know the signs."

"I'm about two months along now." Amazing how time has flown by for me.

"Well, if you can keep a secret, I'm about four weeks along. Looks like we can keep each other company."

"Secret?"

"I haven't told Drex yet. I just found out yesterday." I wait for her to ask about my baby's father—where he is, why he isn't here. But she doesn't ask. She and her husband help me all day, and all the next day and when the sun begins to set at last, my house is finally spotless.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow, Selphie. We have to finish cleaning this place." Drex says as he shakes my hand. I smile at him and wave as he grabs his two children and walks towards their house. Sheena is still standing by me, and I turn to her.

"Thank you so much, Sheena."

"Hey, that's what neighbors are for."

"Yes, I guess it is, though not many people seem to remember that anymore."

"Well, that's why we came here. It's still old fashioned without being an artifact."

"I'll see you later. Maybe you can help me shop for furniture?"

"I wouldn't miss it!" She smiles a goodbye and follows her husband and kids.

I make my way back to the Inn for some rest since I have no furniture yet. I put my hand on my tummy and talk to the child inside. As I drift off to sleep, I wonder for a moment what everyone at Garden is doing, but it is lost as my unconscious and dreams take over.

I wake early in the morning and shower before dressing. Grabbing breakfast with the owner of the Inn, I carry on a nice conversation with her and just as I finish up, Sheena enters.

"Ready to go shopping?" I nod and join her. We shop until we have found furniture for the main rooms in my new house—including a crib and other baby necessities. I pay for the furniture and am told they will deliver what they can today, and the rest will arrive in a few days as it will come from Deling City. As a matter of fact, when Sheena and I come back from grabbing some food at the Inn, they are already there with the furniture. Sheena and I direct them where to take the stuff, and in two hours time, my house is partially furnished. We both fall onto the couch and I think for a moment about how happy I am that I had saved so much money. Working as a SeeD we got our salary, but most everything was paid for: mission transportation, meals, all we had to pay for were the occasional extras.

"Thanks, Sheena."

"For shopping with you? As if I'd turn down a chance to help someone spend money."

"Well, no. Thank you for not asking me a lot of questions. You just took me at face value."

"I figure if you have something you want to tell me, you will in your own time."

Tears fill my eyes and I try to hold them back. "You know, you're the most understanding person I've ever met—and I've met a lot of people. My job used to have me traveling all over the place. There isn't a place on this globe that I haven't been."

"That's something not many people can say. But, did you enjoy it?"

"Well, I had the man I loved by my side the whole time. And all my best friends that I've known since I was a child. But, that's all ended now."

"Everything comes to an end eventually."

"Yes, I suppose. I made a big sacrifice for my child. But there is no way I would let my baby grow up without knowing who they were. That's how I grew up, and I would never wish that on anyone."

"You were an orphan?"

"Yes, there were a lot of us at that time—being the sorceress war and all." I fall silent, observing the view out the window. "I know you're dying to ask me what my job was."

"Yes, I am. But I don't want to pry."

"I brought it up. I was a mercenary—a SeeD. Up until recently, I was the best nunchaku fighter they had. But, hey, can we keep this between the two of us?"

"Can I tell Drex? He won't tell anyone, but I can't keep secrets from him very well."

"Yeah, you can tell him. But nobody else. I'm a little paranoid that someone might try to find me, and right now I just want some peace."

"I understand that. So what are you going to do now—job wise?"

"I don't know—I never thought about it."

She stares off into the distance for a moment. "This isn't a very big town, and the only thing you really have to pay for is food, and even that is minimal. You'll think of something. When Drex and I got here, we had no idea what we were going to do. But then we started helping out with the library, and now we're in charge of it."

"Let's go for a walk. I need to move around. I'm an active person—I can't sit still sometimes."

She nods and stands up. "Come on, I'll give you the grand tour." We walk down the dirt road until we reach the main road, turning in toward town. Our pace is slow, and we come to the edge of town in our own time.

"That's the flower and medicine shop. The Leonard's own it—you met them." We continue and soon we're standing in the main square. Sheena points at different buildings and identifies them, and my eye is drawn to Raine's old bar.

"Hey, does anyone run the bar anymore? Since Raine died?"

"You knew who Raine was? I've heard stories of her, but…Anyway. No, nobody runs it. Not much need for a bar in this town."

"Yes, but a restaurant would be nice. I mean, this town has grown quite a bit since the last time I was here—and that was only two years ago."

"A restaurant would be nice. Why, are you thinking about opening one where the old bar is or something?"

"Well, I think Raine's bar should be left the way it is—that's how she would want it. But the old house beside it—is it still empty?"

"Yes—it also has bullet holes all over and is in pretty bad shape."

"Good! It'll give me something to do for a while. Do you want to help me? Can you cook?"

"I'm a pretty good cook. I had to be, I grew up with six younger siblings and our parents worked long hours. I prepared the meals most days. What about you?"

"I'm a retired SeeD—you have to be able to cook to survive. The food they offer could kill you. How would you like to go in on this with me? Would Drex mind?"

"No, he wouldn't mind. He basically runs the library on his own, I only help sometimes. I could still do that. Plus, he knows how much I love to cook. Are you serious, though?"

"Yeah! Come on; let's go talk to Mr. Leonard about buying that old place."

We speed walk back to the flower shop and chat with Leonard, as he told me to call him, about our idea.

"What a great idea! That's just what this little town needs. Now don't even try to pay for that old place—it needs so many improvements it's not worth anything right now. Besides, there is no one to pay. The owner passed on years ago. You just do what you want with it." He disappears into the shop for a moment, then returns with a paper. "Here's the deed. Do with it as you please."

"Oh, thank you so much, Leonard!" Sheena and I hug him and each other before rushing for the hardware store. We buy hammers, sledge hammers, drills, nails, drywall, and everything else we might need. Then we proceed to the worn out building and open the door. The lock is so old it doesn't even have a key left to fit it. We look around and smile at one another before picking up a sledge hammer and walking towards the wall in front of us. We beat at the dry wall until it crumbles away and examine the supports. Did I ever mention I studied architecture intently on my own in the library of Trabia growing up? But even so, I can only do so much. We go in search of a phone book to find a contractor that could help us with this. He drives in from Timber the next day and we get to work with him. Sheena and I definitely have our ideas, and Jaxon, the contractor, is quick to steer us away from things that are impossible.

We decide the wall we took out can be moved back three feet, making a small closet to put coats and hats of staff and customers. We begin the long work of tearing down and repairing the structure. After moving the closet frame, we move on to the next part of the wall.

I sigh. "These walls are so damaged down here that we'll have to take them all down and redo them. There's no covering this up."

Sheena nods and Jaxon says, "That's what I was just thinking. Oh well, lets keep going with it. It'll be dark soon."

We continue pounding the old walls down and assessing their location. I glance around the small kitchen and study the support walls.

"If we move this wall out about five feet this kitchen will be the perfect size. And we can widen these two doorways so that trays of food could get through." We continue planning, and Jaxon grabs some paper and sketches out what we want to do with the first floor before we finish knocking out the walls. We trudge up the stairs and I look back down them.

"These stairs are going to have some major repairs." Sheena sighs, reading my mind.

"Yeah. What do you think, Jaxon, can they be repaired or do they have to be completely replaced?"

"The basic structure is good, but most of the wood on the steps will have to be replaced."

"Great." The three of us walk into the remaining rooms and I frown.

"Why don't we knock out some of these walls completely, and make two larger rooms to serve people in?"

"Sounds better than all these small rooms."

We continue demolishing the house for the next two weeks, with the help of a crew that Jaxon assembles. Sometimes Drex and a few other people come and help, and the work progresses fast. Soon we are ready to start putting up the dry wall. We make the downstairs into four rooms. One when you first enter, the kitchen, a bathroom and an eating area. We widen all the doorways and put in pocket doors. At the last minute we decide to tear out the wall to the outside in the eating area and make it a window that covers almost the whole side. The view is breath taking—especially at night. We also extend the kitchen some and put in new appliances after making it larger. It now has an island in the middle and plenty of counter and cabinet space. The refrigerator is a king size stainless steel number, and the stove is as well. Finally we turn our attention downstairs to the floor and begin laying down a new hardwood floor after tearing up the old one. When we finish the downstairs five weeks later it looks like a different place. The lighting we added is romantic, reflecting off the dark jarrah stockholm wood flooring. The walls are all a pale yellow color with crimson, jade, and navy accent colors. There are pictures and furniture in storage for when the whole place is complete and we can add the finishing touches.

We start on the upstairs now. Walls are torn down and a new one added, creating only two rooms. These doorways have been widened as well, and there is a double pocket door that connects the two rooms, all with the same doors as downstairs. We put up the drywall and paint it a cappuccino color. Accents are the same colors as downstairs and we add the flooring. The outside wall has been turned into a giant window as well, like downstairs and the view from the second story is gorgeous. The final step is to bring in the furniture. Circular tables upstairs and square and rectangular ones downstairs. Simple but beautiful white tablecloths cover them and crimson napkins add a pop. Every table has matching chairs with navy blue padded seats and black and white pictures are hung that I took during my travels. The rare ones that turned out better than I ever dreamed of.

It has taken four months to get this far in the renovations and now there are only two things left to do. The outside of the building receives a facelift with a fresh coat of paint and a new roof. Last, the basement is transformed into a partially refrigerated cellar, and a large freezer is installed in one corner to hold meats and such. Thankfully, the electric was still in good shape and only had to have a few minor updates that Deanna, a middle aged woman in town, fixed for us.

Everything is done, stocked up and waiting to open for business. Everyone is excited about it—most of all Sheena and I. We planned out a menu a long time ago, and now we are going to go through with it.

It is now very obvious that I'm pregnant. When I'm left to myself or don't have something to keep myself busy with I think about everything I gave up or never possessed. Those are moments I try to avoid by always keeping myself busy. But at night I go home and cry, and sometimes I can't figure out why. Other times it's clear as day: I'm avoiding my problems, but they will never go away. My child will be a constant reminder for the rest of my life of what happened.

Sheena is also starting to show. I find myself feeling jealous sometimes when I see her and Drex interact, but it passes. We open our restaurant and it is soon the buzz of the town. They all love our food and the setting. Sheena and I are proud of our little business. It is nothing fancy or anything, but it is ours and it is successful so far.

It doesn't take long for our restaurant's popularity to spread to neighboring towns and soon people are coming to Winhill just to sample the food they've heard so much about. My remaining three months fly by in a rush of waitressing and hostessing and cooking. Sheena and I hire two young girls from the area to help out and things smooth out.

I'm standing in the middle of the field outside my house on a Sunday—the one day that the establishment, called '_Bene Amicos_' which means "good friends", is closed. It's one of those times that tears trickle down my face and I can't stop them. I feel an arm wrap around my shoulders and there is Sheena, smiling at me and leading me to sit on the porch. She always comes over when she senses I'm down. When we sit, I see her two children, Markus and Sarin, playing in the front lawn.

I know everyone in town thinks my child's father is dead, and that is why I cry when I think I'm by myself. I think over this for a minute, tears continuing their trek down my cheeks. Sheena has never pushed for information, and I know that she won't tell anyone else, except Drex. And he's always kept his mouth shut.

"He's not dead."

"What?" She looks at me funny, her head tilted a little. "Who?"

"The father of my baby. He's only dead to my mind—that was its way of trying to help me through this."

"He isn't dead? So where is he?"

"I don't know, Balamb I guess. Maybe he went back to Galbadia by now…We used to be best friends—I grew up with him in an orphanage. See, I love him. I have for a long time, and I thought he felt the same, just, you know, as a friend, not as anything else. Then, this one night…he and I slept together. I thought he felt the same as me and I was thrilled, but then…something happened." I cannot bring myself to tell Sheena _what _happened. "I felt so used! I mean, here I was pining over him for two years and finally I thought he was returning my emotions. But it was all wrong—I was all wrong. He…he tricked me!"

Sheena remains silent, rubbing my back as I sob into my hands. Then her quiet voice inquires, "What did you do then?"

I compose myself enough to talk before answering. "I requested a transfer to another Garden. Once I got there, I found out I was pregnant. See, you can't be a SeeD and have a kid; it's just too big a risk. Someone could use the child against you or you might have hesitations about going through with a mission because of your kid. So I had two options, give my child up or resign. So I resigned and came here."

She continues to rub my back. "Sarah, sometimes things happen for reasons you can't fathom. Like me, for example. After Sarin was born, I was diagnosed a diabetic. I may die having this baby. But nothing in the world could keep me from having him, because I love him so much already. I'm willing to forfeit my life for this new life. Maybe you have to forfeit something for your child as well. Maybe you have to give up this love in order to be happy with your child."

"Sheena, you can't die! I don't know what I'd do without you!"

"Sarah, you of all people should know that in life there are sacrifices. There is no avoiding it, and there is no reason to be afraid of what you don't know. Immerse yourself in it and understand it. Then there is nothing left to be afraid of."

I grimace and rub the small of my back. Its been killing me all day. I am just about to stand up when I feel something wet. I look down, then back up at Sheena.

"My water broke!" She jumps into action and leads me towards town, to the doctors office, calling for Sarin and Markus to follow. We make it there eventually, though I'm sweating like a hotdog in front of Zell.

"Dr. Skeet! Sarah's gone into labor!" The doctor is quick to rush into the room and lead me to a room with a small bed and table. He hands me a gown to put on and I do as told. He re-enters the room and helps me onto the bed, hooking me up to a monitoring machine.

I suffer through contractions, sweating and hurting in the small room. In my disoriented state I think I called out for Irvine. Of course, he didn't come. After hours, contractions begin hitting one on top of the other, and soon I hear people telling me to push. It is the worst pain you can imagine, and I faintly hear myself screaming. But soon, my screams are replaced by those of a baby, and I have a daughter placed into my arms. Her blue eyes stare up at me, Irvine's eyes, and I get lost in them. I feel tears streak down—tears of joy. She has a tuft of strawberry blonde hair on top of her head and she's perfect in every way.

"What are you going to name her?" Dr. Skeet asks.

"Tessa Eve Tilmitt." In my exhausted state I forget that I had changed my name. Dr. Skeet, however, doesn't notice, or if he does, he chalks it up to my being tired. He finishes cleaning up his instruments and my sheets.

"I'll leave the two of you to get aquainted." He leaves the room, me still staring in awe at my baby girl.

* * *

Three weeks later finds me back at work. Tessa is with Sheena's kids with Mrs. Leonard—the resident nanny. This particular day has been stressful. It is my first day away from Tessa, and the crowd is thick. Just as I approach the hostess podium to get the names of the next few people in line, a familiar face walks in. I make a dash for the kitchen and would have made it too, if a customer hadn't decided to move just as I was about to pass them. I trip and find myself face first on the wood floor.

"Ouch." I push myself up a little to see a hand extended to me. I grip it and stand, brushing my black pin stripe pants and yellow halter top off. My hair has grown back out to about the length it was the last time I saw the person in front of me, making it all the easier for them to recognize me...I even have it flipped out like I used to.

"Now, Miss Tilmitt, surely you aren't always that clumsy."

"Um, my name is Talbucks." He looks surprised for a second.

"You know, I was positive it was—"

"Um, it used to be. Can you keep that between us though? I'm Sarah Talbucks here. How are you Sir Laguna?" I try to change the subject as fast as I can.

"I'm good. A little confused, though. The last time I was here this place was all but condemned." He looks all around him, taking in all the changes.

"You know, if you want to get a table I can come talk to you then. It's a little busy right now. We're about to have a big group clear out though, so it will settle back down."

"Of course. For six, then."

"Six?"

"Yes—Kiros, Ward, their wives and Ellone."

"Oh, God. Um, right this way." I lead him up the ramp to a table that will accommodate his group. Just as he sits down an older gentleman walks over to me and hands me a twenty gil tip. He is from the party of 13.

"Miss Sarah, the service and food was great as usual. I'll see you next week—and don't worry, my…boisterous family will not all be with me." He smiles.

"Oh, Mr. Cullen, are they going back to Deling?" He nods.

"Well, you come visit us whenever you want." His smile says it all as he shakes my hand. I wave as his family leaves, then turn my attention back to Sir Laguna.

"Are the rest of them far behind?"

"No, they're pretty close. They should be here in a few minutes. I came ahead of them to see what was going on in this old house. Why didn't you convert the old bar? Seems like it would have been easier."

"Well, the bar is Raine's. It always will be. Anyway, this place is bigger. Here's your menu. Don't ask what I recommend because I will say everything. It's all excellent." With that I excuse myself and go back to my post. The two new girls, Krystal and Winifred, have taken care of most of the crowd and are serving and taking orders. I make a note for Laguna's table that I will take care of them before entering the kitchen and helping with the orders. Sheena and I get all the orders up before another round comes in, and we get to work on those. When we finish I remove my apron and rush upstairs to Laguna's table.

The first thing I notice is that he is still alone, so I take a seat next to him and stare out the window like him.

"Nice view, huh?"

He seems surprised that I'm next to him and jumps.

"Didn't mean to scare you. Seems your crew is taking longer than you thought."

"Yeah. So what are you doing in Winhill? I figured you'd be in Balamb with Squall and the rest of them."

"I was until about a year ago. Some…situations arose and I decided it would be best to transfer to Trabia. That didn't work as well as I'd planned, so I resigned and here I am. It's a lovely town—it's peaceful. I guess I have you to thank for that." I push his shoulder lightly, joking.

"Yes, I got rid of every last monster in this town. They're afraid I'll come back to get them if they step a foot within its boundaries now." He jokes back.

"Or maybe they're afraid of my nunchaku. Well, I've got to get back to the kitchen—"

"You mean you cook the food here?"

"Well, my friend Sheena does about half and I do about half. Sometimes it varies depending on how busy we are—if one of us is needed to seat guests we'll sneak out and do that. Anyway, I would, you know, prefer it if you didn't mention my being here to anybody else."

He smiles and nods his head. "Of course. Anything you want." After all the years he spent traveling all over, on the run or in search of something, I suppose Laguna can understand my desire to be under the radar.

I wave and head down the ramp. I put Winnie's name on Laguna's table and walk into the kitchen. Sheena and I finish up with the orders and head out of the kitchen. We are about to close, and the kitchen has been cleaned. There is a group just coming down the ramp when we exit and I look up and panic to see Ellone staring straight at me.

"Selphie! What are you doing here?"

I force a smile. "That's a long story. How are you Ell?"

"I'm good, how are you?"

"I'm okay." I glance at Sheena and see confusion. "This is my friend and our head chef, Sheena. Sheena, this is Ellone. I grew up with her."

"Co-head chef. Sarah's the other one. Nice to meet you. Sar, I have to go get Markus and Sarin, do you want me to get—"

"I'll pick Markus and Sarin up for you. You need to get off your feet. Don't think you can fool me, I saw you rubbing your back. Now go, and say 'hi' to Drex for me. I'll bring the kids by in a little while."

"But we haven't—"

"Sheena, you'd better go or I'll call Drex to get you!"

"Okay, I'm going. It isn't fair, you two keep teaming up against me. I'll see you later."

"Yeah."

I turn back to the group in front of me.

"So, do you think you could keep this to yourselves?" I'm met with confusion.

* * *

**Author's Notes:** Hey people! You don't even understand how frustrating this chapter has been for me! I typed about half of it with one hand…the other half has been sitting on a disk for a while now. The song is called _Wedding Day_ by Rosie Thomas.

-Gilly Bean the dozing.

Edited 11/23/08


	4. Mistakes Have a Way

**Chapter 4: Mistakes Have a Way of Biting You in the Ass**

_Battered and torn  
still I can see the light  
tattered and worn  
but I must kneel to fight_

Friend of mine  
what can't you spare  
I know some times  
it gets cold in there

When my legs no longer carry  
and the warm wind chills my bones  
I reach for Mother Mary  
and I shall not walk alone

* * *

Ellone gives me a weird look and the women with Kiros and Ward stare at me, I suppose wondering who I am. Well, I guess it is kind of weird for me to ask them not to tell anyone they saw me, but do they have to look at me like that?

"You know, I got a call from Quistis a couple weeks ago. Seems she called Trabia to talk to you only to find out that you were on a no longer there, that you had resigned and disappeared off the face of the world. She was worried and wanted to know if I knew what was going on. You have them all in a panic, Selphie," Ellone says, looking me straight in the eye. I turn my head away, watching Sheena's retreating back. Okay, so maybe it was a little much for me to expect Elle to be as understanding as Sir Laguna. But damn it, she'll have to be understanding because I cannot have everyone knowing where I am, and I really don't want to have to move again. Besides, this town is perfect to raise Tessa in.

"Listen Elle, I'm sure they're worried about me because they're like that, but they're better off not knowing where I am and everything I'm doing. Trust me, they're all better off forgetting me, and I'm better off with them not knowing where I am."

"Why do you say that Sefie?" I glance around at all the people around us—Ward, Kiros, their wives, Sir Laguna, they're all tuned in to the conversation whether they want to be or not.

"Because. It's a really long story, Elle. What are y'all doing here anyway?"

"Don't think I'm going to drop this until I get an answer out of you, Selph." I'm not dumb enough to think that 'Big Sis' is going to give up before she knows exactly what is going on.

"We came to visit Raine, and Elle wanted to come back and visit the town. It really is a great place." Laguna responds, glancing between Elle and I. He's probably afraid we may start yelling at one another or something. It would never happen, simply because Ellone is so in control of herself all the time. I might yell at her, but she would simply speak calmly and quietly back to me.

"Yeah. Listen, I have to get going, I need to pick up Markus and Sarin and drop them off at Drex and Sheena's before it gets much later and I really am pretty exhausted—it's been a long day. If you want to talk, come by my house tomorrow. As a matter of fact, why don't you all come to my house for lunch tomorrow. This place is closed on Sundays and Sheena and Drex are going to Deling for the day and I'm babysitting, so I won't have any adult company. What do you say?"

"We'd be honored to. If the food is as good as it was tonight you couldn't keep me away with a sleep spell." I smile at Laguna's antics and give in to the fact that they'll learn a partial truth tomorrow when they come to my house. There is no way I would or could lie about Tessa to anybody. She's my little girl, my world.

Before they leave, I stop them all by asking, "Could you all not call me Selphie, either? The name is Sarah." They reluctantly agree, though I can see that Ellone does not like this at all. But she still gives me a hug before they leave and even Ward and Kiros smile at me.

I watch as they leave, then hurry around locking everything up and turning out lights before heading to the Leonard's to pick up Markus, Sarin, and Tessa. Mrs. Leonard is sitting up for me, Tessa in her arms. I smile as I walk in the shop and over to where she is.

"How long has she been asleep?" I whisper.

"For about an hour or so now. She'll probably wake up hungry about the time you get home. You picking up Markus and Sarin as well?"

"Yeah, I ordered Sheena home before she collapsed. What with the complications she already has, I refuse to add any more stress on top of that. I think she'll have her baby within the next two days, but she _still_ refuses to take time off at work."

"Well, I'll be ready for another addition."

"Yeah…I just hope Sheena is okay afterwards. I don't know what I would do without her. She's my best friend. And Drex...I don't know if he could function without Sheena."

"Just think about the good things, darlin'. Don't dwell on what might happen or what has occurred in the past. Seize the here and now while your still young. Now, I'm sure Sheena will be just fine, she's a fighter." I smile at her and lean down to collect Tessa into my arms. I stare at the beautiful baby and duck my head to kiss her forehead before transferring her to the carrier. After that I pick up the baby bag and go to corral Sarin and Markus. Once I have them trotting in front of me I walk to their house—not on the way to mine, but I would walk five miles out of my way if it would help Sheena. Drex opens the door and smiles.

"Thanks Sarah. She really looked wiped out tonight, she didn't need to go all the way to the Leonard's to pick them up. I sent her straight to take a bath and go to bed when she got home. Although, I think she fell asleep in the bath." We both share a laugh over this, because it would not be the first time Sheena dozed off in the tub.

"I know, she looked totally wiped. Tthat's why I made her come straight home. Anyway, Tessa and I need to get some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow morning when you drop them off." He nods and waves as I turn to finish the walk to my house. Halfway to the house, Tessa wakes and gets fussy in her carrier so I have to stop and unbuckle her. I lightly bounce her and pace in circles around her carrier until she settles down again. However, every time I attempt to put her back in her carrier she gets cranky again, so I wind up carrying her with the carrier uncomfortable hooked over the crook of my elbow. The rest of the walk to the house is quiet, though. Sometimes Tessa just wants to be held by me, and I won't complain because I love holding her.

Once home I open the door and walk in. I forgot to lock the door this morning, but let it go because there really is no need to. The restaurant gets locked up in case a roamer wants to get in for food or money—after the fridge was emptied by a wanderer Sheena and I decided to get heavy duty bolt locks and an alarm system. I toss the keys into the tray on the table and walk into the living room, sitting the baby carrier on the couch while still cradling Tessa against my shoulder. Walking over to the side table and reaching up I try to turn on a light. Just as I'm about to turn the light on, though, I hear something fall and break upstairs. I think fast and grab Tessa's carrier, carrying it and her to the basement door. Opening the door just enough to get through I creep down the stairs and make my way through the stuff in the basement. I get to the back bedroom down here and place Tessa on the old bed. Then, I turn and rush out of the room, closing the door. I notice the key in the doorknob and I turn it, locking the door and tucking the key in my pocket.

I take a minute to catch my breath before creeping up the stairs from the basement. I begin going through everything I learned at Garden, trying to think of what to do. Unfortunately, most of what I was trained to do involved being the one breaking in, not the one defending their home. The basement comes up in the oversized pantry for the kitchen so I'm still hidden. It took me almost two weeks of living here before I found the basement, because I hadn't even know the house _had_ a basement. I hear footsteps above me and I think of what room that is: The exercise room, which is also where my nunchaku happen to be, dang it. I close the basement door behind me and open the pantry door, also closing it. I begin to tiptoe across the kitchen before removing my shoes so I can move around without making so much noise. I don't hear footsteps anymore, so I have no idea where the person is. I sneak up the stairs and down towards the exercise room. Just as I get there something behind me breaks and I whip around to see what it is. A man about twice my size stands behind me, staring right at me through a mask. I can't see very well in the dark, but I see a telltale green light showing the man is wearing night vision goggles. I take a step back, readying myself to fight him. At this moment I wish I had taken Zell up on those lessons he had offered. While I am an ace with my nunchaku, I have room to improve on my hand to hand combat. Neither one of us moves for a moment, then I rush the man in black. Just as my leg is about to make contact with his face something drags me down and I feel someone trying to put a cloth over my mouth. I struggle, kicking out and making a painting fall off of the wall. I gather my strength and try to break free, but it's no use. The two figures who have melted into their surroundings have a tight hold on me.

I wait for them to think that I'm done, that I've given up. They loosen their grips on me and I kick out, dislodging their hands from my body. I take the opportunity and run for the stairs.

I don't even try to run down the steps; I jump over the railing and land with a thud and what I know can't be a good sound as I fall forward. My arm is screaming at me, but I just cradle it to my body and take off running again. I head for the back patio and throw the doors open after fiddling with the lock for a minute. My feet run towards Raine's grave because otherwise they could catch me by going out the front door. I figure, once there I can lose them and loop back to town. I know that Tessa is safe where she is because it took me a week after I moved into the house to find the door to the basement—it's pretty well hidden. Just as the tombstone comes into sight something grabs me around the ankles and I fall, screaming out as my already injured arm hits the ground again, underneath the full weight of my body.

It's the loudest scream I think I've ever heard myself make, and it echoes across the empty land. I scream again, hoping it will carry to town. A cloth is shoved over my mouth and nose and I taste a sharp chemical before falling unconscious. My last thought is that Sheena and Sir Laguna are both supposed to stop by tomorrow: they'll find Tessa. I feel tears fall down my cheeks at the thought of my little girl: she's crying.

* * *

**Author's Notes:** Wow, how long has it been now? Too long? Well, this is a short chapter because there is another already in the making that changes the story a lot (another view point)! Good news is that I can use BOTH arms to type now. I can't use the left arm for much else, but since typing only uses the hand I got permission to do it from the doctor! My surgery went fine, they repaired the bone and my PT is great—it finishes up soon (here at least) because I'm going to Japan with my mom. I'll continue PT there, and I'll be there most of the rest of summer. YAY! Don't worry though, I'll keep writing! The song is _I Shall Not Walk Alone_ by Ben Harper. Genius.

Edited 11/23/08


	5. Ransacked

**Chapter 5: Ransacked (Laguna)**

__

I thought I heard somebody cry--Somebody might be lost  
I thought I heard somebody cry--Somebody might be lost  
I thought I heard somebody cry--I thought I'd go and see  
I thought I heard somebody cry--Somebody might be me

* * *

I walk towards the house Selphie...er, _Sarah_, explained was hers last night. I want to talk to her without everyone else around, so I left the hotel early. She seemed more willing to talk to me when we were alone yesterday, so I'm hoping that will still be the case today. I told Kiros where I'm headed, knowing he won't tell anyone. Seeing the house makes me smile. Raine always talked about how she would love a house out here. It's a beautiful house, a country style with light grey siding and a wrap around front porch. I wonder for a minute why Selphie would need this big house, but I dismiss it, thinking maybe it is the only house that was available.

As I get nearer to the house I get a bad feeling. Knocking on the door receives no answer. After trying again to the same result I try the doorknob and it turns. Opening the door I look around. The keys are right by the door in a pretty, oriental looking ceramic tray. She has to be home.

"Selphie? Hello?" Still no answer. I walk into the house more and then up the stairs. "Selphie?" Where is she? There is a sitting room in front of me, but it's empty. Looking to the left I freeze.

There is an overturned table in the room at the end of the hall and a picture is on the ground. Walking into the room my eyes take in the room full of exercise equipment and then I lean down to pick up the picture frame, staring at a collage of pictures. The shock is not that the pictures are all of Selphie and her friend Sheena; it's that in some she has a round stomach, as though she was pregnant, and in some she is holding a baby.

I shake my head, a frown spreading across my face. Now why wouldn't Elle know about this? Wouldn't Squall or Rinoa have mentioned that? Hanging the picture back onto the hanger on the wall I exit the room, racing down the stairs. After I enter the living room my frown deepens. The double doors out onto the back porch are wide open, but other than that everything is in order. I can't shake the bad feeling I have, though.

Striding into the kitchen, I look around. There is a door to the back yard, and another door. I open it and find the pantry, but there is something odd about it. Entering it I look around before spotting a door and upon opening it I find a staircase.

"Selphie!" Still nothing. My feet travel down the stairs and as my shoe touches the concrete I hear a baby crying. Where is that coming from? The cries lead me to a locked door. Kicking the door open is the only option and then I rush over to the crying infant. She quiets a little in my arms, but I can tell she needs to be changed and probably fed. I head back up to the kitchen and then proceed upstairs where I search for a baby's room. When I find it I walk in and find a clean diaper. After changing the little girl I carry her down to the kitchen again where I open the fridge to find bottles ready to be heated up. Once she has eaten the baby settles down and I can think again.

After the time they spent in Esthar, I think I know Selphie well enough to know that she is not a SeeD anymore. I thought at first that she was here on a mission and had wracked my brain to figure out what for. But this little discovery sets the record straight. My mind pulls forward a piece of information long forgotten. The policy for pregnant and unwed SeeD was either a resignation or giving up the baby, although I have a feeling that if Selphie had told Cid of her condition that policy would be null and void right now.

My mind is pretty confidant in my knowledge of Selphie, and it tells me that this little girl means everything to her if she would give up being a SeeD for her. That is why I'm worried now: Selphie would never leave such an important piece of her life locked in a basement room for no reason. I find a phone and call Kiros.

"Hello?"

"Kiros, there's a problem."

"Can you not find the house?"

"No, I found the house just fine. It's Selphie—she's not here."

"So go back later, maybe she took a walk or something."

"No, Kiros, I think you should come over here. You know where it is."

"Okay, I'll be there."

The couch beckons as I wait and I take a seat with the angel in my arms. She yawns and looks up at me with clear blue eyes that seem familiar. She has darker strawberry blonde hair and is the cutest baby I have ever seen, and as president of Esthar I've seen quite a few.

I'm so caught up in examining her that I don't hear Kiros enter. He stops short when he sees the baby.

"Where did that come from?" He hesitates in the doorway. A smile comes to my face, and then I laugh. When I hear the light tinkling of laughter from the little girl in my arms I get quiet. Kiros and I both stare at her, entranced as she smiles up at us.

"Selphie has a baby?" Kiros questions. It's unmistakable, this happy child has to be the offspring of the always up-beat Selphie.

"Yeah, she was in a locked room in the basement and Selphie is nowhere to be found. There's nothing really out of place except a picture frame was on the floor upstairs and a small table was on its side." Kiros leaves me with the baby and goes to search the house for clues. He comes back carrying a pair of shoes.

"These were in the kitchen, off to the side a little but still in the middle of the room. Were those doors open when you came in?"

"Yeah." Kiros walks over and out the door, stopping long enough to turn around and holler for me to follow. We look around, but don't see anything. The doorbell rings and I go to answer it. Selphie's friend is standing there.

"Uh, hi…is Sarah here?" She looks confused as she stares at me. Just as I'm about to answer, two kids come running past me into the house and a man excuses himself as he runs after them.

"I came here looking for her this morning and she wasn't here."

"But Tessa was?" I nod, figuring that Tessa is the child in my arms. "Something must be wrong then—Drex!" The man comes back with a little boy in his arms. "Drex, Sarah's missing. Why don't you and…Sir Laguna go out and search the hillside and surrounding area. Here, I'll take Tessa." The man looks at me and then turns and leads the way out the double doors. Kiros joins us and we spread out. After an hour of looking we find blood on the ground near Raine's grave, but just as we make this discovery we hear a woman scream. We all run back towards the house, and there is Elle kneeled down holding her head.

"Elle, are you okay?" I run to her side and she looks up at me.

"The woods, go to the woods before—" She passes out before she finishes. Picking her up I marvel at how her powers have grown, then I place her on the couch. Drex, Kiros and I run out and towards the only woods we can think of. We spread out and look, and just as we're about to give up, Drex shouts.

We all run over to where he's standing and I turn away, my leg cramping up at the image in front of me. Selphie is hanging by her wrists from a tree, her shirt has been removed and there are marks all over her body from a whip and a couple that appear to be stab wounds. Her head hangs forward and her one arm is broken, twisted to an unnatural angle. Her hair has been chopped into many lengths and her shorts are nowhere to be found. She is only in her underwear, and the grass below her is red from all the blood. Kiros runs back to the house to get a blanket and a doctor while Drex walks over to the body.

"She's still breathing. Help me get her down from here." I stagger over, the scene still making me sick. Drex holds onto Selphie as gently as he can and lifts up while I untie the rope. With the rope undone, Drex lowers her to the ground and feels for a pulse. It is the first time we see her face. It's swollen from bruises and there is a cut right above her eye, going through her eyebrow. It isn't a very big cut, but it will leave a scar. Her earrings are missing, as is her necklace. Her eyes open and she jumps when she looks up and sees two people. She must identify us though because she starts to cry. The more she cries, the harder she shakes and it doesn't take us long to figure out she has a broken rib or two. Just as I think she may stop crying, she sucks in enough air to fill her lungs and screams. Her scream sends chills down my spine, it sounds so terrified and full of pain. The scream fades back into sobbing and that fades into a constant trail of tears and whimpering.

Kiros runs back with Ward and they have towels, a board and a blanket. We cover the board with the blanket and place Selphie on it, then cover her with the towels, applying pressure to bigger wounds that we can see. Lifting the board up we carry it back to the house.

By the time we arrive the doctor is there. He directs us to put her on the portable medical table he brought that is in the kitchen, and then we wait. I watch as Sheena tends to her kids and Elle is holding Tessa, telling her that she is her aunt Elle, and her mommy is going to be just fine. Pulling my cell phone out I stand up.

"Who are you calling Uncle Laguna?" I stop and look at Elle. She looks like she's aged five years in the last few hours. I've always known that she would be a wreck if anything happened to any of her adopted family. But the haunted look in her eyes is almost too much for me. I don't know what she saw, and I'm not sure if I wish she hadn't seen it or not. Without her vision we might not have found Selphie in time. But the fact that it has so obviously scarred Ellone almost makes me wish she had not had a vision.

"I'm calling Cid—I'm going to see if he can send a team out here to investigate."

Sheena comes to life, "You mean SeeD? Are you sure that's a good idea? Sarah hasn't been in touch with any of them in quite a while. I don't think she wants to see them, especially not now. She left for a reason, even if it was one she didn't talk about."

"But they're the best," I argue.

"Well, I'm sure they are, but can you…avoid direct contact between them and Sarah? You haven't been here with her like I have, you haven't heard what she says. I think it would be best not to put her in a situation of explaining after what just happened. She's fragile as it is, which I know sounds weird since she was a merecenary and everything...she's just...she's breakable just like everyone else."

I think about this, then, "I guess we could get her to say her statement on tape and give it to them, and they never have to know that they're working for me or that Sarah was the victim." I'm proud of myself that remembered to change her name.

She nods her consent to this and sits down beside Elle, looking down at Tessa. The number for Balamb Garden is familiar and I punch it into the phone, waiting for someone to answer. They transfer me to Cid's private phone and he soon answers the phone.

"Headmaster Cid, what can I do for you Laguna?"

"First, are any of the kids in there with you?"

"No, it's just Edea and me. Why?"

"Well, I have a situation that could use an investigation."

"Okay, what is it? I'll dispatch someone right away."

"There's a catch. There was an attack, but the victim doesn't want to have any direct contact with SeeD. She's understandably shaken and would rather not be around a lot of strangers right now."

"Who was it? Did this occur in Esthar? I didn't hear anything about an attack in Esthar."

"No, I'm currently in Winhill. It was one of the residents here."

"Was it a monster attack?"

"No, it was carried out by people. It occurred in Winhill, and here's what I need. I need the best, which means Squall and all of them. But they have to know that the victim won't be actively engaged in the investigation. That means they can't interview her, meet her, anything. I'll have Kiros or Elle record her account of what happened, but there is to be no direct contact, as I've said, unless she decides otherwise. But that does not look like it will be happening any time soon, as she has been unconcious since shortly after we found her."

"Well, if that's what you want I'll make it work. I'll call Squall and Quistis up here right now and Zell and Rinoa later: they're late sleepers. Irvine is already on another mission from Galbadia Garden and we have no way of contacting him."

"That's good enough for me, but what about Seifer?"

"Ah yes, him, too. They'll be there tomorrow." The doctor comes out and all eyes in the room go to him.

"Thanks Cid, and get them out here as soon as you can, okay?"

"Will do."

I hang up and focus all of my attention on the doctor.

"She's in bad shape. She lost a lot of blood from all of her cuts, most of which I had to stitch up so they won't leave scars. Just, what she had to have gone through in order to get those wounds, I don't even want to imagine. Her arm will have to be operated on: it's broken in two places and then twisted out of place. I tried to set it, but I couldn't get the bone to turn the right way. She's just a human gauze bandage. She hasn't woken up, she's doped up on pain killers. Right now we need to get her to Galbadia Garden: it's the closest place that has what we need."

"What about Timber? It's closer than Garden," Marti, Ward's wife asks, wringing her hands.

"Well, Timber is closer, but it doesn't have what we'll need. They don't have a good enough medical center, plus the Garden is safer with all those SeeD around."

Sheena glances at me, nervous, and I know what is going through her head: that's probably where the Balamb SeeD will be dispatched to. Well, we'll just have to deal with that when it occurs. She stands up slow, what with having a basketball in her middle and takes a step forward before her face goes white. Her husband, Drex jumps to her side as she starts to slip to the ground. Her breathing is ragged and tears start to slip down her face.

Doctor Skeet looks a little panicked as he rushes over. "Now, Sheena, I thought I told you to go to Deling City. We can't deliver this baby here, it's too big of a risk."

"We were heading out this morning, Doc, but then we came here to drop off Markus and Sarin and Sarah was missing," Drex explains, holding his wife in his lap as she suffers from what I guess is a contraction. The old doctor nods his head.

"Well, she can go to Galbadia with Selphie: Galbadia is closer than Deling City." He turns to me, knowing me from the times I've visited. "You have a car, right?" I nod. "Can you get them to Galbadia?"

"Of course we can, lets hurry." Drex helps Sheena into town and eases her down into the front seat of the car before rushing back to help carry Selphie on the stretcher to the automobile. It's a good thing we had a lot of people with a lot of luggage this time, or I would have gotten a smaller car. We put Selphie in the back and then I climb into the back with her and Ellone, Drex sits in the back seat with Kiros and Ward drives. Marti and Mischa stay behind to watch the kids and search Selphie's house for any clues.

Ward is a genius behind the wheel and before I know it we're in sight of Galbadia Garden. The whole ride I've been trying to comfort Elle, telling her that her 'little sis' will be okay. Memories of specific incidents run through my head, like when I first met the gang from the orphanage. That's when Selphie first called me Sir Laguna; I was confused about the title at first, wondering how she knew me. But then I found out and everything was cleared up. She's too in love with life to let go, I keep telling myself. Why does it feel like I'm trying to convince myself of this? Two years ago she was the most alive person I've ever met, but this time…there was something missing when she laughed, and her smile just didn't seem as happy.

The car stops and I climb out, meeting the doctor that rushes out. Dr. Skeet called ahead for us, so they would be ready. The doctor instructs two cadets to rush Selphie to the ER wing of the medical center, and Sheena is taken to the high risk sector. I look around me. This is the first time I've had to come to Galbadia Garden since the end of the Sorceress War. It's changed a lot, namely the addition of the enormous medical ward. It's become more of the Garden where people who want to learn to heal and be doctors go instead of fighters, though there are still a lot of fighters. Elle looks at me.

"Uncle Laguna, she's going to be okay, right? Who would do such a thing to Sefie! She's never done anything to anybody, how could she deserve this? I can't…Uncle Laguna, I could send someone back. Maybe I could send Quistis back and have her see who it was—"

"Elle—"

"I can do it, it's the only way Uncle Laguna!"

"Elle, you're not supposed to use your powers—"

"This is for Selphie, Uncle Laguna! She's like a little sister to me, I'd do anything for her!"

"Elle…" I sigh, "Only as a last resort. If Squall and them can't solve it after we get a statement from Selphie, then…maybe." She nods her head, and I know that if this isn't solved soon, she'll be putting herself at risk again. Another cadet comes up to us.

"Excuse me, could you follow me to the waiting room, please?" We all follow: a somber crowd. Once in the waiting room I pull out my cell phone and place a call. A man answers on the other end and I make sure to speak soft so that the others won't hear me.

"Leonard, this is Laguna. Can you do me a favor and see what name is on the deed for that house out on the plain?"

"The house out on the plain? Well, Mr. Loire that's Sarah's house, Sarah Talbucks. Why do you inquire?"

"Miss Talbucks is an old friend of Elle's and there was an incident last night. There's going to be some people coming around to investigate what happened. Just tell them everything that you know about what Sarah has been doing since she got to Winhill." But the more I think about it, the more likely it becomes that what happened to Selphie happened because she is Selphie Tilmitt, not because she is Sarah Talbucks.

"Sure, now what was this incident?"

"She was attacked. I've called in some SeeD, but she's going to need to be called by her legal name in all proceedings. Can you spread that around? Let everyone know that they should answer the questions the SeeD have. I know a lot of people in town are still hostile to anyone associated with the military coming in there, and it would be easier if they all cooperated."

"Is she okay? She's such a lovely young lady, I don't know why anyone would attack her."

"She's in the ER at Galbadia Garden: it was pretty bad. Can you spread that around for me, about being cooperative?"

"I sure can, I'll tell everyone personally."

"Thank you Mr. Leonard." I hang up and a nurse comes in with a stack of papers.

"These need to be filled out so that we can put them with her chart please." Elle takes them, and as she starts to write in the name I tell her to change it.

"Elle, make sure to write Sarah Talbucks: that's her name in Winhill." She nods and finishes the paperwork. After that there's nothing to do but sit, pace, and wait. After an hour, a doctor comes in. She walks over to our group and looks at two charts in her hands.

"Sel-Sarah, is she okay?" Elle almost slipped.

"She is stable, but she has slipped into a coma. Now, it is common for such an occurrence, so right now we aren't too worried. But, if she doesn't wake up within seventy-two hours there's the possibility that there is brain damage and some decisions will have to be made after an additional forty-eight hours have passed."

"Decisions? You mean, deciding whether we're going to pull the plug and let her die? I can tell you now—" Elle starts.

"We'll wait and see what happens. After the forty-eight hours we'll do a scan to see if there is any brain activity and you'll have to choose. If we find no activity, you have to face the fact that she won't wake up. And if she did, she would be heavily dependent on machines and would be a vegetable, unable to move herself. Many patients would rather be dead than be subjected to a life of being trapped in a cage that is their own body. But that is something you'll have to wait and see about. She may wake up tomorrow."

"And what about Sheena?" Elle asks, tears standing in her eyes.

"Mrs. Nova is in surgery—it was too risky to let her give birth due to her complications. Her husband is with her, but it shouldn't be much longer until they're done. I'll let you know when she comes out of surgery."

"Thank you." She nods her head and turns, exiting the waiting room. My phone rings and I pull it out.

"Hello?"

"Laguna, it's Cid. The kids are already on their way there; they'll be there in about a half hour. If you could meet them there it would be great. Just explain to them about the victim not wanting to be interviewed directly."

"Okay, I'll tell them, but right now it's a moot point because she's in a coma. Thanks Cid." I hang up the phone and stare at the ground for a minute before standing up.

"Elle, you stay here and call me when there's any more news. I have to get back to Winhill before Squall and them get there or they'll get suspicious of something. We don't need them figuring anything out as far as Miss Tilmitt's identity."

"Okay, I'll call as soon as the doctor says anything. Why don't you let Kiros drive; you may get lost." I smile at her and Kiros and I leave.

* * *

**Author's Notes:** I know that I used an awful lot of 'I blah blah blah…' and I'm sorry. I didn't read through this before I posted it because it was late and I was tired (much like now). But I hope its better now. Things like that annoy me when I read stories, and I'm sorry to all of you who had to read that! I should have read through it and posted a day later! My editor is out of town this week and next week and doesn't have computer access, otherwise I would have been peachy after she read through it. And to **Juicemaloose**: As I said in an earlier chapter, people in Winhill aren't nosy, so when Laguna requested for them to call Selphie by her (as far as they know) given name they figured it wasn't any of their business to snoop around about it. She got the house easy because not many people come to Winhill to stay, they just pass through. So once that couple moved away, it sat empty for quite a while. And, since Selphie is a SeeD she has all of her meals provided and a place to live, so she doesn't have to spend her money on anything but clothes, and she even has the uniform for special occasions. The song is _Heard Somebody Cry_ by Oingo Boingo.

-Gilly Bean the tired.

Edited 11/23/08


	6. Realization

**Chapter 6: Realization (Quistis)**

_Say you were split, you were split in fragments  
And none of the pieces would talk to you  
Wouldn't you want to be who you had been  
Well, baby I want that, too_

So better take the keys and drive forever  
Staying won't put these futures back together  
All the perfect drugs and superheroes  
Wouldn't be enough to bring me up to zero

Baby you're great, you've been more than patient  
Saying it's not a catastrophe  
But I'm not the girl you once put your faith in  
Just someone who looks like me

So better take the keys and drive forever  
Staying won't put these futures back together  
All the perfect drugs and superheroes  
Wouldn't be enough to bring me up to zero

* * *

A lump under covers rolls over in bed and opens their eyes when they find it empty. Groaning, I sit up and look around, rubbing my eyes. The blinds are still drawn, but the clothes are gone from the floor, worrying me a little. Throwing my legs over the side and stepping on the cold floor I shiver. A throbbing between my eyes has me hesitating; the bed is so warm and dark. The floor isn't. With a sigh I push up off the mattress and zombie-walk over to my stereo, flipping it on and dressing in clean underwear and a bra and tank top. Standing in the middle of the room, I look around for any sign that someone was here and find none. Falling back onto my bed I tug the covers over myself and bury my head under my pillows.

Just as I am falling back into blissful slumber, my head full of images that come right before you slip into the land of the sandman, I realize I'm cold. My blankets are gone, room cold, air bad, my mind cannot put together a coherent thought. I shoot up and glare at the person standing in front of me, holding my duvet just out of reach, curse him to hell.

"I thought you left. Give me back my damn covers, its freezing in here. And somehow I know that I can blame that on you, too." He returns my cutting glance with that infuriating grin, but doesn't hand me my blankets. Ever since he's started staying over I cannot enter my apartment without putting on a winter parka and three pairs of wool socks, it seems.

"I think it feels good in here. Cid called us up to his office. You were out cold, so I let you sleep, but now you have to get up." I pout and he almost relents and gives me back the covers. Almost. Instead he goes to my dresser and pulls out some clothes for me to put on, throwing them on the bed next to me.

"What did Cid have to say?" I pull the sweatshirt over my head and, slipping my feet through the jeans I stand up and pull them on the rest of the way before turning to look at him.

"We have a mission from Laguna. Apparently some girl in Winhill got abducted and messed up pretty bed and he's paying to have it investigated. We're leaving in two hours, and he said not to wear our uniforms there but to take them with us." I shiver and he comes over and wraps his arms around me, his amused green eyes staring into my freezing blue. He's always so warm, I snuggle into his arms and place my cheek against his chest. I could just stand here all day, with his arms around me.

"Are we all being dispatched?" I look up at him, drawing back a little to do so.

"Rinoa and all. Must be a pretty important person to Laguna to ask for all of us." Not all of us, I think. It still worries me that there's been no news from Selphie. When I called Trabia they said she was gone, that she had resigned and left weeks before my call. I don't know what to think of that, and I have nothing else to go on. She literally turned in her letter of resignation and left on the same night, and I've not been able to track her past a bank in Galbadia. I pull away from Seifer and walk over to my closet, looking for a duffle bag.

"Every person in Winhill is important to him. Have you already packed?" Glancing over my shoulder I see him nod towards his duffle bag outside the bedroom door. "Good, then you can help me pack. First I have to take a shower though, and fix this damn air, I'm freezing!" He shakes his head and turns to go into the living room. I head into the bathroom and proceed to take a very hot shower. When I come out I pack my bathroom things and open a drawer to look for clothes to take with me. I shove in two pairs of jeans, three sweaters, some tee-shirts, socks and my boots. I throw in a black dress and my pajamas along with some shoes for the dress.

My head is beginning to throb even more than before, but I ignore it as best I can and pack the rest of my stuff. Reaching into my closet I pull out the garment bag that contains my SeeD uniform and hang it on the door, throwing my bag below it and a pillow with it. When I'm done I walk, stumble is more like it, into the living room and over to the couch where Seifer is reading over a mission report. I collapse with my head in his lap and my legs hanging over the arm of the couch. He puts his papers down and pushes my hair out of my eyes.

"Can you get me my Naproxin, I have a headache."

"Get it yourself." He has that damn smirk on his face again, so I whimper. He lifts my head off his lap and brings me the medicine. I swallow the blue pill and smile at him.

"So fill me in on this mission?"

"I already told you everything I know. Cid said something about learning more when we got there. Speaking of which, you need to dry your hair and then we can head out."

I sit up and kiss him, a soft leisurely kiss the usually he would follow up on with a few hours in the bed. He's changed so much, around me at least. I love him so much sometimes it scares me, and I'm even more scared to tell him so. I'm pretty sure he feels the same way, but I'm just not sure if I'm ready to say it out loud. When we part I run into my bathroom and dry my hair, before pulling it up in a messy ponytail. When I head through my bedroom I grab my glasses and put them on before grabbing my stuff and going into the living room where Seifer is waiting. He kisses me again as I reach him then just stares at me, one hand on either side of my face.

"You're beautiful, you know that?"

I smile, and almost blush. He's not often in the habit of getting mushy with me, and compliments don't occur all the time between the two of us. Usually we're too busy lobbing insults and fighting, which is just sort of our way. "Thanks. You aren't so bad looking yourself." I let my hands linger in his hair, combing the soft gold strands with my fingers before reluctantly pulling away. We exit with all of our stuff and head for the Ragnorak. Once there we board and meet up with everyone else, and it is then that I realize that Irvine won't be going with us, since he's already dispatched on a mission. I must admit that I was angry with him for a while after Selphie left, but when I saw how he reacted to her absence…well, I forgave him for whatever he'd done.

It doesn't take long before we're in the sky on our way to the tiny town. On the way I try sleeping, a hard feat when you put Zell and Rinoa in the same room. I swear, those two are _so_ _loud_! After I manage to fall asleep, which I managed to do only after I sat down next to Seifer and used his lap as my pillow and my pillow as a way to block out the noise and light, it takes another hour to get to Winhill. The jarring from landing wakes me up and I sit up, yawning. Grabbing my stuff, I exit with everyone else. Laguna comes running over from the hotel and I can tell from his face that he is really worried.

"Come put your stuff in the hotel and then I'll explain what I know." We do as told and then all take seats in the conference room of the hotel, which is really just a room that they put a table in, and I think it may double as a dining room. I can tell as I look at everyone's faces that they're all thinking the same thing. Well, except Squall, who just looks angry. The whole 'Dad' thing still has him holding a grudge against Laguna. I'm anxious to get started, intrigued with the identity of the person.

"I'm glad you all could make it. As I'm sure Cid has already told you, this is about a resident of Winhill that was attacked last night. I don't take kindly to people harming the occupants of this town, and that is why you were called into this. I expect only the best for the people that live here, and the best is you."

I apply pressure to the bridge of my nose, my headache still killing me. "So could you give us the circumstances? What happened, who the victim was, stuff like that."

"Sarah, she lives in the house out on the edge of the field. She and her friend own the restaurant in town, _Bene Amicos_. Anyway, she went home from work on Saturday, the Leonard's saw her when she picked up her little girl and her friend's kids, and then the Nova's saw her when she dropped the kids off. That was the last time she was seen before the attack. We're assuming that someone was waiting for her when she got home."

"Assuming?" I raise my eyebrow along with Seifer. "Why don't you just ask her?" I nod my head, looking back to Laguna along with everyone else.

"She's in a coma. I went over to her house in the morning to ask her a question and found her baby girl there but not her, and then her friend Sheena arrived with her husband Drex and their kids. I'd called Kiros and Ward, and they arrived soon after that. We went out and searched for her and eventually found her in the woods." He stops talking and looks down at the table, and I notice that his jaw is clenched and he doesn't continue. Kiros, up until this point, has been leaning against the wall looking out the window, but now he speaks up. I remember that he has always been the less emotional type, unlike Laguna.

"We found her in the woods, stripped of everything but her under garments. There were cuts all over her body as though from a knife, and some marks like she had been whipped along with extreme bruising. Her face is currently so swollen that even if she weren't in a coma I doubt she could talk. And she was hung from a tree by her wrists. One arm was shattered, twisted to the point that surgery was necessary and her hair was chopped all over."

"Hanging from a tree?" Rinoa's face expresses her horror. Squall puts his arm around her shoulders before questioning Kiros.

"So, any idea why someone would want to do such a thing to her?"

"It sounds personal to me, like somebody had a grudge. Not a random attack." Seifer says just what I'm thinking, but my mind is throbbing too much for me to speak. I close my eyes and put my head down on the table.

"Is she okay?" Zell. He's sitting to my right, and I'm surprised he's still actually sitting and not up punching air. I can imagine Seifer shaking his head, and I feel him stand from the chair next to me.

"Anybody got coffee? She's got a fucking headache because she hasn't had any caffeine." Kiros walks over and out the door, and within ten minutes he returns with a steaming pot of coffee. Seifer pours me a cup, fixes it the way I like and I gulp it down, the pain between my eyes easing after the fifth sip.

As we were waiting for the coffee, Laguna's cell phone rang and he stood from the table to answer it. When he returns he looks a little less stressed.

"Good news?" Squall asks.

"Just that Sheena, Sarah's friend is out of surgery and doing well."

"What was she in surgery for?" Rinoa is quick to ask.

"She was having a little boy." We all look to the door to see a man standing there. He is older, and he smiles at Laguna. "Drex called me to tell me that she was out of danger and that Thom was born. He also said that she had a dream about Sarah. I guess she'll tell you when she gets back. I was over here to tell the lady downstairs and she said you were up here." He looks to Squall. "Don't I know you? You look familiar."

I smile, and look to Seifer, then Zell, both of whom nod their heads. "Well of course he would look familiar! He's Laguna's son." I can feel Squall's eyes shooting daggers and I smile. Sometimes it is fun to be cruel, and even more so when it happens to be Squall. His reactions are priceless, and I can totally understand why Seifer baited him all the time growing up.

"This is Mr. Leonard, everyone. Mr. Leonard, these are SeeD from Balamb Garden, here to investigate Sarah's attack."

The old man looks between Laguna and Squall a few times before he shakes his head. "Yes, a terrible thing. I don't see why anyone would want to hurt Miss Talbucks. She's such a wonderful woman. You know, maybe it was the father." He looks to Laguna as though he knows what he's talking about.

"Father? Wait, I think something was left out here, Laguna." I look to him.

"Sarah has a baby, a little girl. I mentioned it. The father is...not around?" Laguna looks to Mr. Leonard for the answers.

"Tessa, she's almost two months old now. Sarah lives alone, and she said that the father of the baby was dead, but the misses and I always got the feeling that she wasn't telling the whole truth." Mr. Leonard explains.

"Well, we can start this off with searching the house and the woods for any clues. Zell and I will search the woods, Rinoa can look through the house, and Quistis, you and Seifer see if you can find anything else around town." Squall stands up and walks to the door, Rinoa right behind him. "President Loire, show us where you found her. Or, better yet Kiros, why don't you show us." They leave with Kiros. Laguna stands.

"Kiros, could you show Zell here to the house?" The dark katalist nods, and they both leave. I look to Mr. Leonard, momentarily ignoring Laguna.

"So, Sarah hasn't lived in Winhill long?" I question Mr. Leonard.

"Um, no. She only came here about nine months ago. She and Sheena fixed up the old house next to Raine's pub and opened the restaurant in the Town Square."

"Where did she come here from? You know, that way if this is an old grudge we might be able to track it down."

"Well, she came here directly from Galbadia. That's where I ran into her, at least. She was very tight lipped about her life before coming here, though. Your best bet would be talking to the Nova's. She's real close with them." I thank the old man, and when he is gone I turn my gaze to Seifer. Through all of this, Seifer has remained by the windows, looking as though he has been paying no attention, but no he turns back and meets my eyes. The pieces are slowly fitting together in my head. Sarah showed up around the same time Selphie disappeared, in the last place that I could track Selphie, and she has a baby. Now, what would make Selphie irrational enough to resign and run away into the the night? Yeah, having a baby would. And the names are sort of similar, but not so similar that any of us would have ever tracked her down had she not been...attacked. Laguna becomes the recipient of what Rinoa and Sally dubbed my "Frosty Quisty" look.

"Sarah Talbucks?" Laguna has the distinct look of a caged animal. "How long did you think it would take me Laguna? I'm not as oblivious as Zell, and we all know that Squall was probably not listening to half of what was said. And as much as I like her, Rinoa isn't the sharpest tool in the shed." Seifer is standing behind me, and I know he's figured it out as well. As soon as I heard the last name I'd started putting things together. I guess you had to be listening to get it.

"Where is she, Laguna? Selphie, where is she?"

"She's at Galbadia Garden, in the medical unit. I wasn't lying when I said she's in a coma."

"I don't care. Take us there, now. She's not going to lie on a hospital bed all alone, and she sure as hell isn't going to get away from explaining this to me."

Seifer and I follow Laguna as he walks out to his car. He drives us to Galbadia Garden, and when we get there he leads us to the nurses station.

"I need Miss Talbucks' room number, please." The nurse looks up and then types something into her computer.

"She's in room 234, down that hall to your left." Laguna thanks her and we walk down the hall she indicated. When we reach the door marked 234 we stop, and Laguna steps back. I open the door and Seifer puts his hand on my lower back, offering support. We walk into the room and I gasp when I see the person on the bed.

"That's not Selphie, that's not her…that can't be her…" I take a few steps towards the bed, and a sob chokes me as I see her face. "Seifer…who could?" He puts his arm around my waist and looks at Selphie, shaking his head. Her face is covered with bruises and a cut that goes through her left eyebrow. A cast encloses one arm from wrist to above the elbow, and I can see the bandages that cover almost all of her exposed, dark purple skin. A feral rage fills me and I know, if I find who did this I'll kill them. They won't live long enough to see a trial. Seifer tightens his grip on me and I look up at him.

"You know I can't allow this. Nobody hurts one of my friends."

* * *

**Author's Note:** Well...tell me what you think. Good? Bad? Mediocre? Let me know! The song is _Humpty Dumpty_ by Aimee Mann.

Edited 11/23/08


	7. Thoughts

**Chapter 7: Thoughts (Quistis)**

_'Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room  
Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news  
And then the nurse comes round and everyone will lift their heads  
But I'm thinking of what Sarah said that "Love is watching someone die"_

_So who's going to watch you die?.._

* * *

Striding down the hall, I realize that I should slow down before I run into someone and cause injury. Shortening my steps I make myself breathe in and out and count to thirty (I found out years ago while teaching that ten just isn't enough for times that my temper surfaces). After sufficiently calming myself down I turn into a hall and start heading back to the sterile room that holds Selphie. When I come into range of the room a sigh escapes my lips, and I realize I was holding my breath. There are no nurses and doctors running rampant to and from the room, no alarms going off on heart monitors, nothing. The room is as silent as it was when I left it, and I enter it as quietly as I can and close the door. Seifer looks over to me.

"So what did they want?"

Blowing hair out of my eyes and wishing that I had brought clips to keep the shorter strands back, I answer him. "To check up on our progress. They wanted to know if we'd found anything out about the attack around town. You know, if we had learned that Sarah had some secret vendetta against her or something."

"And what did you tell them?" He pulls me into his lap, both of us now in the chair that rests at the bedside.

"Well, I didn't tell them that the victim was Selphie. I just…she didn't want us to know she was here, there had to be a reason. I'll just wait to tell them…see if she wakes up. I talked to Rinoa, and you know she'll just believe what I tell her, since she has no reason to question me. No change?"

"No, sorry. A nurse was in here, checking her vitals and stuff. She said she doesn't understand why she hasn't come to yet. There's no reason for her to be out still, physically at least."

"Does anyone know exactly what happened?" Seifer shakes his head and I sigh, leaning back against his chest.

"You know, Quis, as much as you want to stay here and I want to be able to let you, we have to actually do the job we came here for. We need to go get information on the layout of the town, talk to other people in Winhill." I nod. I know we have to do that, that we can't let the group down. Especially since I now know that it is one of my best friends unconscious in the bed. I stand up and Seifer follows suit. Reaching out I grab Selphie's hand. Her fingers are like popsicles and I rub them, attempting to warm them a bit. With a deep breath I place her hand back on the mattress and trail behind Seifer as he leads me out of the room.

Laguna is standing outside the door, looking as nervous as a child caught with their hand in the cake. My eyes narrow as I take in his appearance, and the halls. Suddenly I don't feel good about leaving Selphie in the room alone. But our job has to be a priority, because the faster we find out the events and people that led to this, the better off Selphie will be. But now that I know that the victim was Selphie, I also cannot help thinking that we won't find many answers in Winhill. My instincts are telling me that this is something big, something that has perhaps less to do with _who_ Selphie is than _what_ she is. But the best place to start, I suppose, would be with the people who probably know _Sarah_ best.

"Laguna, do you happen to know what room Selphie's friend is in here?" Seifer questions, as though he has read my mind.

"Yes, I just found out and came to tell you. Are you going to question them?"

"I guess we'll talk to them, find out some stuff about Selphie since she has been here…You said she has a kid." It popped back into my head as I went over what he had said at the hotel. Sometimes having a tape recorder in my brain is helpful.

Laguna's head snaps up and he looks almost scared. "Well, yes she does. A little girl."

"And Mr. Leonard said her name is Tessa. She's two months old. Damn that girl!" Spinning to look at Seifer, my eyes narrow even more—I'm sure they look like slits. "She left Garden because she was pregnant, Seifer. I told you there was something weird about her just suddenly resigning. You and I both know it is highly frowned upon to have a kid as an unmarried SeeD. So the question is why would a person do this to someone who is no longer a threat? I mean, does she even have her nunchaku anymore? Who the fuck would…what were they…I can't even think straight!" The heels of my boots sharply hit the ground as I turn and pace until I calm down, then look up to see both Seifer and Laguna staring at me. "What?"

"You're pacing." Laguna states the obvious and I roll my eyes.

"I'm frustrated. I can't think of a single person that would want to hurt Selphie. I mean, at least she…"

"Ahem." I turn to look at the person behind me, a man.

"Are you Miss Talbuck's friends or family?"

"She's my adopted sister, yes . Are you her doctor?"

He nods, and I begin to feel a little uncomfortable under his gaze, his brown eyes seeming to see through me. Stepping over to Seifer I lean onto his chest as the doctor begins talking again.

"I'm Doctor Zaro, the attending this morning. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go check on the patient." He walks past us into the room and I shiver as he goes, a feeling of helplessness passing through me. Snapping myself out of my catatonic state, I look back at the two men with me.

"Laguna, what is that room number?"

"412…I think somebody—"

"Should go in that room with Selphie, I agree. You go in there and we'll go talk to the…"

"Nova's—Sheena and Drex Nova." Laguna turns to walk into Selphie's room and I stare down the hall, thinking. Seifer moving around me and striding down the hall snaps me back into reality. He looks over his shoulder as he goes, and I know by his narrowed eyes that he felt something odd when Dr. Zaro walked past us. There is something really fucked up in the world again—I can almost smell it. Now if only I could figure out where the hell the stench is coming from. Squaring my shoulders, I follow after Seifer as he heads for the room holding two of the few people who know what has been going on with Selphie the past year. One question nags at my brain a little more than the others, though. Why did Selphie decide her best course of action was to resign from SeeD? What possessed her to do that without even coming to us for help?

Jogging to catch up with Seifer I reach out and take his hand, slowing him down a little as we approach the elevator bank. He looks at me out of the corner of his eyes and removes his hand from mine, instead wrapping his arm around my shoulders. We stay like this, waiting for the elevator door to open. Sighing, I look up at Seifer through my lashes, resting my head on his chest to listen to his heartbeat. His mouth turns up into a smirk as he glances down at me, his other arm wrapping around me, holding me close. I'm not sure when the habit began, though Matron said it was something I used to do as a child, but the sound of Seifer's heartbeat is the most calming, reassuring sound to me in the world. Maybe it comes from losing my parents at such a young age. The only memories I have of my parents, ones that trickled back into my brain when I went cold turkey with Guardian Forces, do not include this little habit of mine. A shiver brings me back to the present, and I see that Seifer is holding the elevator for me, an eyebrow raised.

"Sorry, I was thinking," I say as I join him inside.

Seifer laughs and shakes his head. "I think you need more coffee, Quisty. It's like you're still asleep." I punch him in the shoulder which only makes him laugh harder. Pouting, I move to the other side of the car and cross my arms over my chest. Seifer shakes his head at my behavior, but makes no move to come over to me. Damn him and his complete book of knowledge about me.

The elevator doors open and we both walk in the direction the sign says room 412 is in. When we reach the door I growl as I see two young SeeD posted outside the door. What the hell is this? Somehow, I don't think it is normal for two well trained mercenaries to be posted outside the room of a new mother, especially when nobody was even posted on Selphie's floor. I can feel Seifer tense beside me, and I know I'm not being paranoid. There is something up with Galbadia…again. But what now?

The young man on the left looks up as Seifer and I stop in front of him, and he pokes his companion in the side. She looks like she may have died of boredom. When she sees us, a disconcerting gleam appears in her eyes. Why do I always wind up dealing with the crazy ones?

"We're here to speak to Mr. and Mrs. Nova, so if you'll excuse us—" Seifer begins.

"I'm sorry sir; we were instructed that nobody enter this room without Headmaster Demona's permission." The boy speaks.

"We're SeeD from Balamb, we need to interview the Nova's about our client," I try to talk sense into these kids. In all honesty, they're only about two or three years younger than I am, but sometimes I don't think chronological age has anything to do with anything.

"Well good for you, Lady. We especially aren't allowing Balamb trash to enter." That girl is an annoying little smart ass. This will probably be the only time, but right about now I wish Martine was still the headmaster of Galbadia Garden. At least I'm certain he would have known better than to block Balamb SeeD from proceeding with a mission. It would seem Demona doesn't even have as much common sense as Martine. A pity since she was so promising in the beginning.

All of a sudden Seifer has the girl by the throat and he snarls. "Listen, kid, you'll address her as "Ma'am" or "Instructor Trepe" nothing else, you got me?" She just glares at him and I can see his green eyes get darker. That is one dumb child. I glance at her friend and see that he is grinning. Turning my attention back to Seifer before he seriously injures the girl, I lay a hand on his arm. He's definitely still got that temper problem.

"I think she'll be more useful alive, Seifer. Besides, I'm not going to take anything seriously that a low level SeeD like her says."

"You don't let me have any fun, Trepe." I can hear the smile in his voice.

"Sorry, Almasy. Now." I turn to the boy, as the girl is busy rubbing her throat and glaring. He seems to find the whole situation funny. "Would you mind telling us why nobody is allowed to enter?"

He shrugs. "I don't have a clue. All I know is that I'm getting paid to stand here and direct people away. It's the easiest job I've had in a while. Seems weird though, to have an armed guard outside the door on the maternity ward and not have someone like the sorceress Rinoa or Miss Ellone on the other side of that door."

"Yes, it is odd." I raise an eyebrow and he gives a slight nod.

"Anya, why don't you go get something to drink from the cafeteria, you don't want your throat to get sore." Her eyes throw daggers before she storms down the hall.

"You can't hold it against Anya, I guess. Her sister and brother were SeeD's that died in the fight with Balamb during the war. She's just a bitter fool. But what I wouldn't give to have a picture of her just then." He turns back to Seifer and I. "Well, I see no harm in you entering if you can give me some sort of ID." We both produce our ID's and after examining them he nods, hands them back and then leads us into the room.

"Mr. Nova?" The man standing at the window looks over and he doesn't look happy.

"When are we going to be able to get out of this damn room?" He is quiet, and when I glance at the hospital bed I see that it is because the woman lying there is asleep and next to the bed is a bassinet with a tiny baby, also dozing.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Nova, I have no idea why you're even being kept in here in the first place," the young man replies. "However, I have a couple visitors for you." With that he goes back outside the door, closing it behind him.

"Drex Nova?" I ask, and he nods. Smiling, I extend my hand to him. "I'm Quistis Trepe, and this is Seifer Almasy. We're SeeDs from Balamb Garden, here to investigate the attack on Miss Tilmitt."

"You mean Talbucks? Sarah Talbucks?"

"Well, she's the same person but we know her as Selphie Tilmitt. She's an ex-SeeD from Balamb and Trabia, an elite SeeD as a matter of fact. But first and foremost, she's one of my best friends. I grew up with her; she's like a sister…Anything you could tell us would be great."

Movement from the bed draws my attention, and who I am assuming is Sheena Nova sits up. Her eyes fill up when she sees me, and I understand when she speaks.

"Sir Laguna said he wouldn't tell you it was her. I told him not to contact you, but he promised he wouldn't reveal her identity—"

"He didn't tell either of us. We knew, the second he said the name. Selphie had disappeared, and Laguna always did have more of a friendship with her than he did with the rest of us, even his own son, which would explain why he would be willing to lie for her." I explain. "But don't worry, we didn't tell the others."

"Others? How many of you are there?"

"There's the two of us, Squall, Rinoa, Zell, and back at Garden there is Sally, who does research for us when we need it. But they were all distracted when Laguna said the name, so they didn't put it together." Replying to her question, I watch as the baby begins to stir. "Listen, all we need to know is your explanation of events. When she got here, things that happened…"

"She came to Winhill about…well about nine months ago. She bought the house and…" over the next hour, Sheena and Drex tell us what Selphie has been up to since she left SeeD, and by the end I'm left at even more of a dead end than before. The girl is a saint, I already knew that. A rather deadly saint, but a saint none the less. Who could possibly have a motive to hurt her? No money was stolen, because there was still two hundred gil in her wallet, and her jewelry box was still sitting on the vanity in her bedroom, nothing disturbed but a table and picture frame… None of this makes sense. I say as much and everyone in the room agrees. The baby starts screaming and Seifer turns to me.

"I think it's time for us to go, Quistis. Screaming, needy babies are not my thing." Nodding absently I watch the baby for a minute longer before saying goodbye to the couple and leaving with Seifer. The boy outside the door nods at us as we leave, and as we walk down the hall to the elevators, we pass Anya. Grabbing her arm I make her look at me. She appears ready to kill me.

"I'm sorry about your family. I wish there was something I could have done to prevent it." Before she can make some sarcastic reply, I walk away. Seifer and I return to Selphie's room to tell Laguna we're leaving when I get another bad feeling. Something about this whole situation just isn't sitting well with me. Looking to Seifer I know he doesn't feel comfortable either. His instincts are even more honed than mine are, and I always pay attention when to how Seifer reads a situation.

"I think the sooner Selphie is out of this place the better." After telling Laguna that we're leaving, we head for the main Garden to get a vehicle. When we reach the garage, the only vehicle they have left is a motorcycle. I swallow as I climb on behind Seifer, strapping on my helmet as I wrap my arms around his torso. The last time I rode a motorcycle with Seifer had not turned out to be what I had expected. Bracing myself for the 'take off' I pull the tinted face shield down over my face and Seifer does the same before ripping out of the garage and towards Winhill. It's about now I'm glad I wore pants today. Gluing myself to Seifer's back, I close my eyes and try not to think as we fly down the road.

Once we get back into town, Seifer pulls up to the hotel and we go inside, leaving the helmets with the bike. My lower back is killing me as we walk in, a common occurrence the past two weeks, and I head off to find some…something to ease the ache. Seifer kisses my cheek and goes to his room. Sometimes, I wonder why Cid wastes the money to get Rinoa and I our own rooms on missions like this. As if we aren't going to end up in Squall and Seifer's rooms. But then I remember that, as much as Rinoa and I love them, we still argue and fight and at times like that I thank Hyne for my own room. When I reach my room, I flop down on the bed, arms and legs thrown out towards the corners and my head turned to the side as I'm lying on my stomach. I begin thinking about what has happened, everything I've heard about Selphie and some things begin to click. Selphie left Garden on bad terms with Irvine after they slept together, I heard about their fight through rumors that are always flying around Garden. She went to Trabia, where she found out she was pregnant, and subsequently resigned, but she didn't want any of us to know for some reason. Irvine is the fucking father of Tessa.

Why did it take me this long to figure it out? Who else could have figured this out? Well, most people in the major cities know what our names are, and a good majority have seen our SeeD photos in the papers, so it wouldn't be hard to recognize us. But who would know that Selphie and Irvine had hooked up, when even I hadn't known? Easy, someone who loves to listen to the rumors that are always flitting around the halls of Garden. As an Instructor, I either know or have the connections to figure out who all the gossipers are, and I'm going to do just that, right after I catch a nap. A sudden wave of exhaustion washes over me and I can't keep my eyes open for the life of me. The last thing I do before falling asleep is look at the clock. It reads 5:47 pm.

* * *

I wake to someone pounding on my door, and jumping from my spot on the bed I try to rush to answer, but am stopped as my vision goes dark and I feel unsteady on my feet. I fall back on the bed and stay still until the blood rush passes. The person on the other side of the door, however, is less patient and pounds again on the door.

"Quistis! Open the fucking door!" Seifer. I stumble over and open the door, squinting up at him in the bright hallway. I notice Zell and Rinoa are both standing behind him, looking anxious.

"What's going on?" I am so confused.

"You were shouting," Rinoa answers, keeping a careful eye on me.

"I was? Well, I was sleeping. It must have been a dream or something." My exterior remains cool and collected, but inside, I feel like my world just fell apart again. I've had dreams like this before, only last time I remembered every second when I woke up. They're memories, and they never precede good news. I look up to all three of them staring at me, skeptical.

"What were you sleeping in the early evening for anyway? You're asleep a lot lately it seems." Zell looks me in the eye. "Is something wrong?"

With a shrug I reply, "Not that I know of Zell. Have you all eaten yet?" They all nod, even Seifer, and I sigh. "Well, I'm starving, so I'm going to go get some food. I'll be back in a little while." I grab my small purse and dart out of the room and down the stairs to the dining room. The woman from the front desk comes over and sits a cheeseburger and fries down in front of me.

"You look like you could use a filling meal." She sits a glass of iced tea down as well, before sitting down in the chair across from me. "Now then, you had a bad dream?"

"How did you—"

"I've had this knack for knowing things I shouldn't for years. Since I was born, I guess. It's a curse sometimes. I can see strong emotions; I suppose you could call me an Empath. If you remembered the dream, well then chances are I would see what happened. But keep that between the two of us, I still remember what happens to people like me and…it's better to be safe than sorry, I say."

"Why are you telling _me_ this?"

"Child, I can see it in you. I see lots of things in you, things you need to let go of and things you need to hold onto with all your might. You'll know which to do when the time comes. Now, eat up. It'll give you plenty of energy."

The old woman lifts herself from the chair with help from the table, and just as she is turning away, I ask, "Do you think you could use your skill to help me with S-Sarah? So I could know what happened that night."

"Some things are best left alone, Blue. My sight would see, I'm sure, but the toll it would take on my heart…I'm afraid I can't help you. Even if I saw I wouldn't last long enough to tell you what my eyes alone saw. Evil sights take a piece of you with them, you know. You'll understand in time. This blessing is so often a curse, Blue."

"Why do you keep calling me Blue?"

"Because it is what your mother used to call you, Blue. Because you have the blue power. Now go on and eat, there'll be plenty of time for you to ask questions later. You have to keep up your strength." She pats my cheek and disappears into the kitchen again. Turning my attention back to the food on the plate I sigh and begin eating it.

I'm amazed to see that I eat every last bite of food, and three glasses of tea. Where I'm storing all of this food I have no idea, but that is the least of my worries. I stay seated long after the old woman takes the dishes away. My brain is trying to figure out what she meant. My mother called me Blue? Didn't they know what blue magic was? Come to think of it, I have never run across another person who has the same ability as me. Not another blue magic user, ever, in all of my years in a military academy. My head snaps up as I realize that I never met someone so natural with healing magic as Selphie. According to her files when she transferred, she was using Curaga and Esuna when she was nine years old, when she entered Trabia Garden. Could that be part of this whole mess? Selphie's almost sorceress level of control over healing magic?

I'm dragged out of my thoughts as Squall, Rinoa, Zell and Seifer enter the dining area and come sit at the table with me. Everyone decides to wait until the morning to discuss what they found today about the mission. As everyone talks, I begin to think back on what Sheena and Drex had told me today about Selphie. She's like a stranger to me now. She left a sister and faded into a stranger, a stranger who can't explain for herself what is going on. The silence will drive me insane.

* * *

**Author's Notes:** Whew! I have had one hell of a day! I'm up with my new brother right now, at my dad's house. He's the cutest baby I've ever seen, and pretty quiet from what I've heard about most five month old babies. He took a liking to me for some reason, and he shuts up when I hold him and bounce him this certain way, I have no idea its just how I held him, and apparently that's what he likes. I think this is the first good trip to my dad's I've had in about ten years. So yeah. I'm not banned from using my laptop here. I just have to make sure to hook the internet back up to my dad's computer when I'm done! So, here it is—the next chapter! The song at the beginning, by the way is called _What Sarah Said _and is by Death Cab for Cutie (they ROCK).

Oh, and **Ameli**** Stoncius** I want to thank you for all of the reviews! I love reviews! I especially love it when people write a review for each chapter! Therefore, I love you! Hehe. And also, I know about the Winhill spelling thing. Halfway through one of the chapters I realized it was spelled wrong and so from that chapter on it is correctly spelled, but before that I just haven't gone through and edited. It's the laziness creeping in. But thanks for pointing it out, you were the first one to do that! Everyone else just let me look stupid. sigh

Well, that's it for now, sorry it took so long! I really did mean to have this out over…I think it was winter break, but things got hectic. And yes, I have been eating. I know I promised, but imagine what I would be like if I hadn't eaten! I'd be dead. So I guess I would look like a corpse. Please Review! I'll Love you Forever...Yeah!

-Gilly Bean the outnumbered and no-longer-only-child.

Edited 11.24.08


	8. Waking

**Chapter 8: Waking**

_Lost again, broken and weary  
Unable to find my way  
Tail in hand, dizzy and clearly  
Unable to just let this go_

I am surrendering to gravity and the unknown  
Catch me, heal me,  
Lift me back up to the sun  
I choose to live...

* * *

"Wake up." The cruel voice brings me back to life.

I feel so heavy, so fucking heavy. I've been running for hours, and I feel like I haven't gotten anywhere. There is an ever-increasing throb in my head, and as it gets worse my body becomes heavier. Why do my limbs feel like they weigh two-thousand pounds each? There's a great pressure pressing down on me, and no matter what I try to do I can't escape it. My mind won't function, thoughts incoherent. There is something I can't remember, the wall in my mind blocking an important piece of information. The sensation is familiar, similar to what happened after Time Compression. The mind is a wonderful thing. Whenever it has something too big to deal with, it hides it away—it runs away from trouble as my body runs towards it. But I hate this cowards way out my own mind chooses to follow.

As the pain descends on me, images superimpose themselves behind my eyelids that refuse to open. Tessa Eve, my gatherer of life. Where is she? I can't hear her, but somehow I know she is crying. That triggers something in my head, and my body jolts up of its own accord. I was running away when someone caught me…I remember thinking that Tessa was crying. My eyes are open, I can feel air on them, but I can't see anything but darkness and then trees. Lots of trees, and rope. Then a searing pain brands my memory and the fear enters my awareness. I can tell my muscles are all tensed, and my brain briefly suggests that I probably look like a rock right now before being swallowed again by the mental video. Myself being hoisted by the arms, hung from a tree and thrashed with a metal tipped whip, a whip that makes Quistis's seem like a child's play thing. Before I even register that the whip has stopped cracking something is stabbing into my stomach, then shoulder all the while whispering and telling me things. Their voices are inhuman, as though they feel nothing and enjoy inflicting this pain on me. The next thing I know my assailants have cut off my pants and shirt, leaving me in my underwear. An unnatural scream reaches my ears and I don't even realize it came from me. A piece of my shirt is shoved into my mouth and the sound stops.

My arm is numb with pain, it hurts to breathe, blood is flowing from me like water from a tap, my hair has been chopped off, my face and abdomen have become punching bags. Tears flow from me for the first twenty minutes of the assault before even they flee me to deal with my torment alone. When the men have had their fun with me, I'm left hanging there with the thought that at least I wasn't raped…at least I retain some part of myself. No matter what happened with Irvine, at least it was love on my side, and at least I was left this one thing. I manage to spit out my shirt and suck in precious oxygen. It all hurts so much, and I can't stay awake. Help won't come for me, not here and not before I've spilled all of my blood onto the trees and flowers. But Tessa—Sheena or Sir Laguna will find her and she'll be okay. She'll have a home and people who love her, no matter what.

A sting in my arm brings me back to life, and my mind thinks the worst. The men came back for me, they kept me alive and now they want to do it all again in a never ending cycle. But as my eyes start to come into focus and I begin to feel, I know that I'm not with those men. Tears trickle down my cheeks and I have no idea how I've managed to stay upright until now. Someone lowers me gently back onto the bed I'm on and smoothes what is left of my hair. Bandages cover my skin everywhere, even my head, and my arm is encased in a cast.

"Easy now, sugar. You'll upset your wounds moving around like that, not to mention you must've scared the color out of your father's hair. Now I'm just giving you something to help the pain, and also a little something to help those cuts to heal. It'll just be a little stick and you'll feel better." She gives me the shot and caps the needle before gathering some gauze and scissors.

"Now I need to change your bandages, sugar. This will probably be uncomfortable for you." She goes to work moving me this way and that to wrap my injuries. She is gentle with me but it still hurts like hell.

"Where…am I?" My voice cracks and is a harsh whisper, but she hears me and smiles down at me.

"Sugar, you're in the hospital of Galbadia Garden, Galbadia General. They brought you in three days ago in possibly the worst shape I have seen anybody in since the war. I'm your nurse, Keisha and I'll be coming in here about every thirty minutes to check on you. Since your awake now we'll try you with some food, but you'll be on a soft food diet at first. There we go. I'll be back in a while with some food for you, and I'll tell your father he can come back in."

"My…father? My father…he's dead." What the hell is this woman talking about?

"Oh, I'm sorry, sugar. I just assumed he was your father, but you know what they say about assuming. 'To assume is to make an ass out of u and me.' But, I'll send him in just the same, he's been by your bedside so much since you were brought in, as has a young couple." With that she leaves the room and closes the door. A minute later the door opens again and Sir Laguna enters, and not far behind him is Ellone with Tessa. Despite the shrieking pain, I reach out for her and Ellone smiles as she hands me my daughter. She had been fussing when Ellone brought her in, but in my arms she quiets down and stares up at me before smiling.

"You look a lot better this afternoon, Selphie. I was hoping you would wake up today. Mischa, Marti and I have been taking good care of Tessa, although she's been pretty fussy. This is the first time she's really settled down at all. It's all in the mother's touch and love, I guess. Uncle Laguna has been up here making sure you're all right for us."

Laguna smiles and scratches the back of his head. "They thought I was your father. I just never corrected them, sorry about that. How do you feel?"

I shake my head. "I don't mind, it was…just confusing. I feel like someone threw me over a cliff, sent me through time compression again, and then stabbed me a few times for good measure. Thank you for…taking care of Tessa for me."

"No need to thank us for that." Ellone smiles as she looks at me, gently rubbing my arm at the small patch where it is free of bandages.

"I called Cid." Laguna blurts out.

"What?" Did he just say what I think he did?

"Cid, I called him and asked to have Squall, Rinoa, Quistis, Seifer, Zell and Sally work on figuring this whole thing out. But I didn't tell them your real name; I used the one you have on the deed of your house." He almost looks scared as Ellone jumps in to finish for him, and I can tell by the look on her face that I won't like this next part.

"But you know how clever Quistis and Seifer are, and it took all of five seconds for them both to figure it out. They've been up here to see you, and neither one told anyone else. They both said if you didn't want them to know it wasn't their place to tell them."

"Do they know—"

"About Tessa? Yes, they know. I think Quistis was quite upset that you hadn't told her about it, that you had run away instead." Ellone trails off for a minute, then looks back at me with determination in her eyes. "Listen, Sefie, I really want to be able to tell Squall and them about you, but I won't say anything if you don't want me to."

"I don't want you to. Call off the investigation, I don't want them around. Please? I can't deal with this right now." I've started crying. "How the hell did I wind up here anyway, I figured I was dead."

"Drex found you, and he, Kiros, Ward, and Uncle Laguna brought you back to the house and called the doctor, who suggested after you were semi-stable that they bring you here."

"When can I leave?"

"Sugar," Keisha comes back into the door carrying a chart and a very sour look on her face. "You can leave right now if you want to, according to the doctor. I think he's seriously mistaken, and you need to stay here for a few more days, but what do I know, I've only been a nurse for thirty-three years and he's been a doctor for three years."

"I want to go home now. I want Squall and them to go away and I want to be left in peace. You should have left me hanging from that damn tree! It'd be better if I were dead, anything would be better than this. Tessa could have been raised by Sheena and Drex or the Leonard's or even you…as long as she's raised by someone that loves her." I kiss Tessa on the forehead and pass her to Laguna. "Someone else has to take her, she can't stay with me."

"Selphie, that's crazy!"

"NO! It isn't crazy! They wanted me dead. Whoever they were, they left me to _die_ hanging from a tree. If they knew about Tessa they would have gone after her as well. When they learn that I didn't die they're going to want to finish the job. It's too dangerous if she stays with me."

"But Selphie, she's your _child_."

"I know, and judging from what I saw when Keisha changed my bandages she'll remain my only child. All the more reason for me to want her to survive. Am I wrong, Keisha? Didn't the bastards stab me in the perfect spot? Didn't they sterilize me?"

Keisha shakes her head and walks over to Laguna and Tessa, taking Tessa in her arms. "It's too soon to tell just yet. But sugar child, ain't that all the more reason to want to let this angel know who she is? Raise her knowing her heritage and being proud of it."

I shake my head and sob as she tries to get me to take Tessa into my arms again. I won't do it; I love her so much that I'll give her up. I'll send her to live with someone that can care for her and tell her about me. She will not come back with me, not with those men still out there somewhere.

"Selphie…_please_? She needs you! I can't be you for her!" Ellone pleads. I still shake my head no, and Keisha settles Tessa in Laguna's awkward arms.

"Can't you see Ellone? I love her so much I gave up my life for her, my friends, everything! I love her so much that I'll give _her_ up so she can be safe. I can't be selfish this time, not when we're talking about the reason I'm alive." Seeing that she isn't getting anywhere right now Ellone turns to leave. "You don't know, Ellone. You don't know what they did, the things they said. I do, I remember every little fucking detail. I remember what it sounded like when they ripped my shirt and stuffed it into my mouth, what it smelled like when they stabbed my shoulder, what their touch felt like around my arms…I remember how they laughed when I started crying, how they took such joy in my agony. But most of all I remember what they said before they sliced open my abdomen." My voice breaks and I gulp in air to keep from crying as my brain replays what they said to me: "See Charm, sometimes we still get to have fun. Now say goodbye to your kids." And then the bastard laughed. My whole body shudders with the memory and I look Ellone straight in the eye as I say, "That's something that doesn't go away; _they're_ something that doesn't go away." Ellone rushes over and gives me a hug, tears falling down her face, before she and Laguna leave the room and Keisha takes hold of my hand.

"Don't worry sugar, it'll be alright." My sobs quiet enough that I can talk.

"Keisha, can you discharge me right now? The faster I can get out of here the better." She reluctantly nods and pulls out the papers I have to sign. Once I've signed all the papers, Keisha helps me up out of the bed, possibly the second most painful experience of my life, and then dresses me. I don't know where the clothes came from, I guess Ellone or someone brought them up for me, but I'm glad that they are there. I take slow, tentative steps to the door with Keisha right there with me.

"Don't you worry, sugar, I'll be with you every step of the way."

"What do you mean?" Keisha gives me a look before answering.

"Sugar, I didn't get this job because I was such a great nurse. I am a SeeD as well as a nurse, and there is no way I'm letting you leave this hospital alone. You think I'm insane? Now come on, because I know you want to be gone before anymore of your friends come by." I nod and let her help me out the doors and into a car. She drives and I doze off, not paying attention to where Keisha is driving.

I wake back up in a bed and look around. I'm back in my own bedroom in Winhill. My body is numb, and when I look at the bedside table I see that there is an empty syringe sitting there, along with two full ones. All I can move is my head; the rest of my body is weighed down with drugs.

As I fight against the medicine it becomes evident that it is useless. At least I can't feel the pain. Giving one more effort before resigning myself to my position, I manage to roll myself off the edge of the bed. Something doesn't seem right somehow. Where is Keisha? How did she know where my house was? Now that I'm on the floor, I begin to feel the pain radiating through my body. Well, as my instructor at Trabia always said, "Pain is your friend. Pain reminds you that you're still alive."

Inching my way across the room with one arm and minimal help from my legs I ignore the burning that is coursing through me, protesting the movement. When I reach the door I hear something downstairs break. Dragging myself to my feet I use the wall for support as I make my way to the window and open it. Crawling out I edge towards the end of the roof on the porch. Getting myself out of sight of any of the windows, I lower myself down one of the porch supports and to the ground. I can feel the stitches pulling and muffle a cry into my bandaged hand. Taking off towards town as fast as I can, which isn't fast at all, I hear the sounds of my room being ransacked. Trying to make myself speed up I think of Tessa. If I could only get to town and send people back to take care of the people that are after me…then I could keep her. The front door slams open and I hear footsteps running towards me. I turn in time to see Keisha coming at me. She is clutching her side, and I see a shard of red glass. My vase from the entryway.

"Hide sugar. They ain't ever gonna stop. Come on, this speed ain't gonna get you nowhere." Just as she is about to pick me up her eyes get wide and she falls over face first. Thrown off balance, I fall to the ground like a baby learning to walk, and when I look up Keisha has a knife sticking out of her left shoulder and there is a man with a vicious snarl on his face, looking down at me.

"Where do you think you're going, Charm? We're not done with you yet." He leans down next to my ear and whispers, "You would have been better off staying dead, Charm. Why didn't you just _stay_ dead? I hate having to do this again, it's repetitive and boring." He straightens up and his partner comes over from the house carrying something in his hand. They sneer at each other before the newest arrival leans down and reveals that he is carrying one of the syringes.

"Now, don't try to fight this time. Screaming does no good either, as you already found out." He looks over at Keisha and shakes his head. "Damn shame you dragged other people into this, you know."

"Wh-what do you want from me? What did I ever do to you?" I try to delay them, hoping someone will come out here looking for me.

"You never did anything to us, it was our boss. She's the one who wants you. At first she simply wanted you to die a painful death, but since you resurrected yourself, now she wants you brought to her so she can take care of you herself. We're simply doing our job, and if we have a little fun as we go, then all the better." He gives another un-smile before grabbing my good arm. "Now be a good girl and stay still, otherwise this will hurt a lot more." He stabs the needle into the tender flesh on the under side of my elbow and pushes down on the plunger. I watch as the clear liquid enters my bloodstream, numbing as it travels.

He stands up and walks toward the garbage can at the side of the house. His partner watches him go and when he is out of earshot he leans down in front of me.

"Make it easy on yourself, Charm, and give up now. Just let yourself succumb to all the drugs in your system. There's surely enough to kill you. This life disgusts me, Charm. I'm tired of the killing and all the pleading people, tired of this dirty existence. You were refreshing, because you never once pled for your life. Just give in, Charm, and everything will be better, I'll be able to slip out of this world and go somewhere better. Somewhere that isn't filthy with the residue of all of these weak humans."

I look up into his face, his dark sunglasses covering his eyes, and respond to him. "Sometimes…Sometimes I would dream of what it would be like if I hadn't returned from Hell. What would the world be like…if I hadn't come home with everyone else? Then I realized that I did come home, and all the "what ifs" in the universe weren't going to change that. So I went on living, remembering exactly what my time in Hell did to me. Then you came, and I got sent back to a new Hell. And now you want me to just give up, after coming back from death twice already." I stop to breathe, and then continue. "It won't work, you know. I can't die, not by your hands or your bosses. I won't die." He stares at me for a minute before reaching up and pulling off his sunglasses. His eyes are the most frightening I've ever seen. They are black where mine are white, and his irises are yellow with red slits as pupils. He stares into my eyes for a full minute before replying.

"You'll wish to die when she gets her hands on you. She'll do things you never dreamed possible to you. She'll torture you for an eternity if she can. You will die, and she will throw a party when you do, with your body parts as decorations and maybe entrees. I grow weary of this world, of this town and of you. I warned you." He stands up and puts his sunglasses back on as his partner comes back into hearing range. "The drugs will take full affect shortly, Charm."

"Why…Why do you keep calling me that? My name is Selphie."

"Now it is. But we know you as Charm. That was what your kind was called, before they were exterminated." Needle man answers.

"My friends will look for me, you know."

"All the better. Maybe Blue can be taken care of as well. They won't stand a chance against us, not without you to heal them all. Stop fighting the drugs, Charm. You know it's a battle you won't win. Let the numbness take hold." I close my eyes and lay back on the ground, my muscles becoming useless putty. They must assume I'm knocked out, because they speak to each other.

"What were you saying to her, Killian? I saw you talking to her."

"Just telling her that it was no good to fight the drugs and not to revive herself this time."

I am aware of one of them picking me up, and by the eerie gentleness I know it is Killian that is holding me. There is something off about him, even more than his partner. I hear his partner walk away, and a car door open and close.

"So what is it going to be, Charm? Unbearable life or harmonious death?"

I open my eyes a crack and study his face. I choose life, and he knows it. He smiles, an actual smile and not the predatory scowl.

"I know Charm, I know. You aren't going to let this be easy." He carries me over and the last thing I'm aware of is him putting me in a car before I relent to the gravity of the drugs pulling me down into unconsciousness.

* * *

**Author's Notes:** So I woke Selphie up! But life is not easy for her. Next chapter I'm bringing in Irvine! And things start making sense, and people figure out life…Yeah. I have no idea how many chapters are left. But I'm getting them done pretty consistently for now. Of course, being up 24 hours a day helping with my new brother helps, because it gives me so much more time! Yeah…I won't, however have internet access for the three weeks I'm a counselor/riding instructor at camp. I'm taking my laptop and hopefully working on things, but it'll have to wait to be posted until I get home. Sorry about that. Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! I love you! Now, lets hope the internet works so I can post this! The song at the beginning is by A Perfect Circle and is called "_Gravity_." It is off their newest album, Thirteenth Step. I had a hard time deciding between that song and one by Heather Nova called "Blood of Me." But obviously this one won. So Review, whether you liked it or not, please! I'll love you; maybe even name my first born after you! (kidding, of course).

-Gilly Bean

Edited 11.24.08


	9. Encounters

**Chapter 9: Encounters**

_To the end of the Earth, I'll search for your face  
For the one who laid all of our beauty to waste  
Threw our hope into Hell and our children into the fire  
I am the one who crawled through the wire  
I am the one who crawled through the wire_

There's a million sad stories on the side of the road  
Strange how we all just got used to the blood  
Millions of stories that'll never be told  
Silent and froze in the mud  
Silent and froze in the mud

I know a cold as cold as it gets  
I know a darkness that's darker than coal  
A wind that blows as cold as it gets  
Blew out the light of my soul  
Blew out the light of my soul

I dream in my sleep, I dream in my days  
Of some sunny street not so far away  
Where up in a window a curtain will sway  
And you and I'll meet down below  
You and I'll meet down below

I know a cold as cold as it gets  
I fight a war, I may never see one  
I live only to see you live to regret  
Everything that you done  
Everything that you done  
Everything that you done

* * *

Jolting out of sleep, I slowly become aware of myself and my surroundings. My head hurts and my body feels heavy, a feeling I am beginning to be familiar with. There is a hard mattress supporting my body, an uncomfortable object shoved under my head as a makeshift pillow and a thin sheet of material drapes over me. Breaths come in jagged gasps, and the air my body manages to pull in is sour and thick. Besides the heaviness, I cannot feel or move my limbs and a deep panic begins to overtake me. Why can't I think? Why can't I move? A laugh attracts my attention away from my current dilemma. It is a laugh I recognize, but I cannot figure out why.

There is a rustling of fabric and the sound of three swift steps, and then my world turns white. Light shines into my eyes, causing them to burn. The laughter increases at my discomfort, now a gentler, lighter, almost melodic sound. It sends a quake through my body, making me retch and my stomach roil. As the light shines on my eyelids I slowly begin to open them, blinking rapidly to adjust to the sunlight that filters into the room from the open window right across from me. Before I have a chance to take in my surroundings, a voice cuts through my inspection.

"Well if it isn't the Charm herself, gracing us with her consciousness at last." The voice contains well concealed malice, such a slight hint that only someone trained to detect it would; only a soldier would be able to perceive it. I struggle with my voice for a minute, energy seeping out of me and into my words.

"Who…who are you? Why—"

"Oh, don't worry Charm. I'm the least of your worries at the moment." The owner of the voice comes into my range of vision, tossing her hair over her shoulder as she stops at the foot of my bed. Her violet eyes stare into my own green ones and she brushes a stray piece of wavy auburn hair away from her face. She seems to interpret my question before I even have the time to formulate it in my exhausted mind. "My name is Averna. I am here much the same as you, kept against my will and yet, at the same time, I agreed to stay." She takes a few steps so that she is standing next to me, her hands lightly grasping each other in front of her. Her body is clad in black shorts and black camisole, with a black leather jacket over it. A silver and black leather belt sits diagonally on her hips, an empty clip exposed where a weapon used to be. Her hair cascades down to her hips as she raises her left hand to rest next to me.

"Why can't—" Once again she interrupts me at the beginning of my question, as though she knows what I am going to say better than I do.

"You cannot move because you've been beaten to within an inch of your life, Charm. Or should I call you Sarah? Or…what about Selphie? Yes, that one seems to hit the correct nerve." She steps even closer and leans down so that her eyes are level with mine. "Whichever one you choose, you are the same girl. Now stop trying to get up from that…slab and let yourself rest. As long as I am here they should leave you alone."

Glancing around the room before focusing back on Averna's eyes, I voice a question once again and this time she waits for me to finish. "Where are we? And who exactly are 'they' and why would they bother me?"

She sighs and straightens back up, touching a hand to her forehead. As she does this I see the beginning of a scar on her forearm that extends up her arm and disappears under the arm of her jacket. And now that I am paying attention, I notice that there is a scar on her jaw, an angry white slash that extends down and under her right ear. Averna returns her hands to their original position in front of her and trains her eyes out the window.

"Where we are I cannot really tell you. All I know is that we are on the Centra continent." This shocks me because it means that I was transported over the ocean. How long have I been out? Averna interrupts my panicked thoughts as she continues to answer my previous questions. "Now, who 'they' are I can explain a little more. They're enemies. They thrive on seeking out everyone that could be an obstacle, and even those of us who never would have been. They like to eradicate others. They are ancient, and if you play your cards right, they may find out that they need you alive more than they need you dead. Follow my lead and you'll survive for a while longer."

"How do you know so much?"

"When you have been around as long as I have and seen as much as I have seen, you learn to predict certain reactions. You gather knowledge on how to endure."

"And how long have you been around? For that matter, how long have I been here?"

"I've been here entirely too long, just leave it at that. You have been here for about thirty-seven hours now."

I look away from Averna and take in the details of the room for the first time. There is nothing special about it: none of the bars on the window that one would expect of a prison, the walls are plaster covered brick, a terra-cotta color that is chipped in places. There is nothing besides the basics in the room. Besides the bed that I lay on, there is a chair, a small table with a water pitcher and glass, and a bench that spans the length of the window.

Averna turns and almost floats over to the bench by the window, sitting down and staring off into space. She seems deep in thought and I feel bad about interrupting her, but I have another inquiry.

"What is it?" Her voice startles me. What is even more disconcerting, though, is that she never even looked at me. It was like she read my mind, because she sure as shit didn't know from looking at my face.

"Nothing. I'm just…tired."

"Then go to sleep. The faster you get better the faster I can get the hell out of this room and disappear again…fade back into the ground." Her voice fades away and she is quiet for a few minutes. In the quiet, I cannot help but think about my friends and Tessa. Perhaps, since they already know about her, Quistis and Seifer can look after my baby. I'm sure it won't take Quistis long to figure out who the father is, though, and I suppose it wouldn't be the end of the world if Tessa wound up with him, instead. After all, he probably knows me the best of anyone and he could tell Tessa about me and she would at least have her real daddy in her life, which is better than any of us ever got. This line of though invariably leads me to think about the bandages that wrap tightly around my abdomen, and the fact that these men tried to carve out my insides. As I am thinking about this, Averna turns back to me suddenly and in four big strides she is leaning over me on the mattress, her eyes burning into my soul. "Did they do it to you?" I have no idea what she is talking about, but when I feel her hands on me I attempt to push her away. Forgetting for a moment the bandages that cover almost all of my skin, I shove her hands back.

"They did, didn't they? Tell me, Charm! Was there a knife—a dagger?"

I can feel the stitches in my arms pull and I grimace at the feel, slowly bringing my arms back to my sides and closing my eyes, shutting out the fervent eyes of Averna as she gets a crazy gleam in the violet irises and I feel as though she is shuffling through my brain. "They did...at least, they tried, didn't they? They tried to take children from your future. But it looks like they may have failed, and that they were too late. Because," she lowers her voice to barely a whisper, "you already have a child. How did they miss that?" I'm not sure how to answer her, because I don't even know what is going on. She seems to understand my dilemma, though. "Don't worry, Charm. This just might give us the upper hand eventually." Smiling, Averna reaches out and smoothes my hair back from my sweaty face. "You may have saved the both of us, Selphie." Slipping back into sleep, I send a prayer out to anyone who is listening that this will come to an end soon. No matter what happens to me, I just want this all to conclude as fast as possible.

My dreams bring me little relief from my situation, as they are filled with screams and torture. I see Averna, strapped to a table in an empty room that reminds me too much of a morgue, her head turned to the side and eyes vacant. Gagging, I see that she has been stabbed several times in the abdomen, one jagged cut across her lower abdomen and it looks like something has been pulled out. The remainder of her shirt is saturated with blood and she takes no breaths. Nausea seeps into me because she looks as though she has been carved open. Taking a step closer to her I am shocked when her head jerks to face me. Her lips move, but the voice belongs to someone else, someone who was once the person who knew me best in the world…someone who rejected me in the end. Irvine's voice fills the small, cold room as Averna's mouth shapes the words.

"You broke your promise to Tessa. She's all alone in the world now, and she wants to know desperately who she is; she wants to know who _you_ are." I take a step away from Averna's body, my back pressing against a cold wall as I start to hyperventilate. The scene changes and all of a sudden, Irvine is standing in front of me and we are back in his room at Garden, our clothes thrown haphazardly on the floor, his hands cupping my face as he looks down at me, a smile tugging at his lips. The memory envelopes me in its embrace, bringing back how his skin felt against mine, how he held me, how he kissed me, how he touched me. He leans down and places a tender kiss on my lips, drawing back to look at me again. A tear runs down my cheek and he uses his thumb to wipe it away. In the back of my mind a voice whispers that it didn't happen like this, that everything was intense and passionate and completely out of control, but it is ignored.

As he stares down on my face, Irvine's voice once again sounds, this time coming from his own lips. "Our Tessa wants to know who her father is…who _I_ am. Why are you hurting us this way, Phie?" He leans down and kisses away the next tear that escapes, his eyes sad and his hands still cradling my face in a way that he has done countless times over the years, and as fast as I appeared in his arms, I am once again in the room with a massacred Averna. The body on the table sits up and slowly the head turns to face me once again, white eyes staring past me, a bloodied arm raising to point over my shoulder. Before I can turn around, someone has grabbed me around the waist, pinning my arms to my sides, and has hoisted me in the air so that my feet no longer touch the ground. I feel a rope twine around my wrists and the next thing I know, I am suspended from a tree in a dark forest, blood flowing from cuts that cover my skin.

A dagger dances in front of my eyes, the person holding it blurred in the background. Just as the dagger comes down to stab me in the heart everything shifts again and I am no longer in my own body, but instead in the body of a young woman with long mocha hair. Instead of being suspended from a tree I am tied to a wooden pole, my feet surrounded by dried brush and sticks. As I stand in this foreign body, one arm twisted to an unnatural angle and bound to the other around the pole, someone steps forward with a torch and tosses it on the pile of brush. I try to scream as the heat nears, as the arm pulls, as the pain grows, but the woman whose body I am in makes no sound at all as she is consumed in flames. Her eyes are focused on a man standing in the crowd holding a baby, and as her long red skirt catches fire and the flame fast rushes for her skin, the first tear slips down her cheeks.

Jerking up in bed, sweat pouring down my brow, a scream hoarsely tears out of my throat. As my heartbeat slows back to normal and my eyes focus on reality, I realize that it was all just a dream. Looking around the room, I see that Averna is still sitting on the bench by the window, seemingly lost in thought having somehow managed to stay in her own world through my outburst. The world slowly seeps back into my bones and I realize that I am in searing pain, so I lower myself back onto the uncomfortable slab that my body rests on. Averna appears next to me, fretting over me and my pain. Placing her hand on my forehead she whispers in my ear.

"Go to sleep, child. Truth seeks you out at your weakest…I'll try to slow it." My eyes close and I slip back into dreams as Averna strokes my head like a mother, the horrific images gone for now. Somehow, I know that Averna is the reason that my nightmares stay away.

* * *

**Author's Note**: Alright. So. I realize it has been ages since I last updated. My only real excuse is that school has totally picked up its pace, and since my major is a killer I've not had much free time to write. Also, I had a hard time getting this chapter going. This is actually the third version I have written. I kept starting and then losing the feel for where I was going, and thus starting over. Anyway, this is definitely not an indication that I am getting back into a regular update rhythm, because I cannot promise that. All I have to say is: Thank God for Spring Break this next week! I'll get the next chapter out as soon as possible, probably back with the rest of the gang since Selphie will be spending some time healing. Well…review and tell me what you thought of this chapter, and know that I appreciate every last one that I receive! Oh, yeah! The song at the beginning of this chapter is _Cold as it Gets_ by Patty Griffin, one of the best musicians out there!

Gilly Bean the repentant.

Edited 11.28.08


	10. A Picture's Worth

**Chapter 10: A Picture's Worth… (Rinoa)**

_Hear my voice, where you are, take a train, steal a car,  
Hop a freight, grab a star, come back to me.  
Catch a flame, catch a breeze, on your hand, on your knees,  
Swim up high, only please come on back to me.  
On a mule, in a jet, with your hair in a net,  
In a shower wet, I don't care.  
This is where you should be, from the hills to the shore,  
By the wind to my door, raise the highway dust,  
Break the law if you must, throw the world, only just  
Come back to me._

Blast your hide, you recall, must I fight City hall  
Here and now, damn it all, come on back to me,  
Where on earth must I be, still I yell till I'm blue,  
In control then when you come on back to me.  
Have you gone to the moon, or the corner saloon  
And to crack and to croon, oh my girl, where in hell can you be?  
In a crate, in a trunk, on a horse, on a junk,  
In a road or a van, wrapped in mink or saran,  
Anyway that you can, came back to me,  
Come back to me, come back to me, come back,  
Come back to me, me!

* * *

I can see it in their eyes; they know something that they aren't telling. Having spent so much time in their presence, though, I know that if they have not told us yet, the chances of getting them to spill are pretty slim. If nothing else, Quistis and Seifer are perfectly matched in their stubbornness. But there is no way I am going to let them think I don't know something is wrong, that there is something more than a simple mission here. As I enter the room I see them huddled close in a chair in the corner by the window, speaking in soft tones so nobody will hear them. If it weren't for the crease in Quistis's brow I would think they were simply whispering sweet nothings like lovers do. But that small wrinkle on her forehead gives them away.

Striding over, I notice they go silent as I near and their eyes turn to watch me. Seifer's aquamarine eyes narrow as I stop in front of them, placing my hands on my hips. No way is he going to intimidate me, especially when he has Quistis sitting on his lap, her back to his chest. If I weren't so determined to find out what is really going on, I might have teased them about it. Because, lets be honest, they are just about the cutest couple I've ever seen and they don't often engage in PDA so this is a rare occurrence. But alas, I have a mission to complete, and it does not leave room for distractions. Quistis watches me through her lashes, her blue eyes alert to my body language.

"Listen, I know that this whole thing is a lot more than it seems—"

Quistis interrupts me, "Yes, Rinoa, we all know that."

It is my turn to narrow my eyes. "Yes, we all know that. But the two of you know more than the rest of us. You have a secret about this mission, and all I want to tell you is that the longer you keep it a secret, the more likely it becomes that something bad will happen."

Seifer remains quiet, his eyes moving from me to watch Quistis's profile as she drops her gaze to the floor. Firm in my resolve, I stand in place, awaiting their next move. Quistis is still for a long moment before she closes her eyes and lightly bites her lip. Turning her head toward Seifer she opens here eyes again and murmurs softly, "We promised."

Looking between the two I can see that there is a silent dialogue going on so I stay quiet, waiting to see what the outcome of this inner argument is. Just as I am beginning to get uncomfortable standing here, I am shocked to see Ellone appear at my side. She is out of breath and her face is as white as Shiva's Diamond Dust as she gasps in air, attracting Quistis and Seifer's attention.

"What's the matter, Ellone?" There is an urgency in Seifer's voice that startles me, a tone that I have only heard come from his lips on a handful of occasions. Glancing at the couple in the chair I see that both of their eyes are shining with anxiety.

"She's gone!" Ellone peeks nervously at me before turning her full attention back to Quistis and Seifer.

"What do you mean, she's gone? She was in a coma!" Quistis asks, her hand gripping Seifer's arm that is wrapped around her middle. I get the distinct feeling that this is closely tied to what the rest of us are missing out on.

"Well she was…she woke up yesterday afternoon, shortly after the two of you left and she wanted to go home."

"So maybe she snuck out to get home?" It is obvious even to me, who is in the dark on the great importance of this new development that Quistis is grasping at straws.

Ellone shakes her head as she still struggles to recover from her obvious run, her legs and hands shaking a little, from what I don't know. "The doctor let her go. He discharged her and sent her home with her nurse and a supply of pain killers, which is so unbelievably irresponsible and stupid I can't even begin to phrase my outrage. But Quistis," Ellone leans down and grasps Quistis's upper arms, their eyes level. "She's gone. She's not at home, she's nowhere that we can find her. There's nobody in her house…the bed has been slept in and things moved around, but no people."

"You don't think she would have run away to avoid us, do you?" Quistis gets up from Seifer's lap, and he follows her lead and stands as well, wrapping an arm around her waist in support.

"Honestly, Quisty I have no idea what she would do anymore. I mean, when we were up at the hospital she refused to take Tessa with her. She said she would be better off without her and all sorts of garbage like that…I figured when she was calm and thinking clearly I could convince her that Tessa needs her, but now we can't find her anywhere." Ellone twists her hands as she speaks.

Getting frustrated, I interrupt, "Who are we talking about here? Sarah, the woman for the mission? Since when do you two know her?" Looking suspiciously at Seifer and Quistis I raise an eyebrow as I wait for an answer. They look at each other and Ellone, all looking worried. It is Seifer who finally speaks.

"Come on, how long did you plan to keep this a secret anyway?" He looks down at Quistis for a second before continuing, addressing her. "Quis, you and I both know that the more people that know, the safer she'll be. She's completely defenseless without us." Slowly, Quistis nods her head, looking to Ellone who nods as well.

"Rinoa, meet us in thirty minutes in the conference room. We'll go find President Loire and them and then we'll discuss everything with you." With that said, Quistis takes Seifer's hand and gestures for Ellone to lead the way to Laguna.

Watching them disappear through the door I get a feeling that I may regret knowing what is truly going on. Looking around the now empty room I try to think of something to do to fill the time until I have to be in the conference room. Shrugging, I exit through the door opposite the one Quistis, Seifer, and Ellone went through, going towards the stairs and up to Squall's room.

Knocking lightly I hear a rustle of papers before the door is abruptly pulled open, revealing Squall. I smile at him as I enter the room and sit down on the edge of the bed, reaching out a hand to the papers he had recently abandoned. One is a blueprint of the house where our damsel lived and I pick it up to study it. Squall comes over and sits next to me, also studying the blueprint.

"This case has hit a lull. There have been no clues about who could have done this…" He reaches over and pulls out another stack of papers from under the scattered sheets. These are photographs…photographs I've never seen before. He hands them to me and I gasp, raising a hand to cover my mouth. These are photos of the victim's wounds. I feel sick as I flip through the stack of pictures, full of gore of an unimaginable degree. It is a miracle the woman survived at all when you look at the cuts and stabs and bruises. One picture shows the woman's abdomen without bandages, a jumble of stabs that have been sewn back together with care, but what catches my attention is the scar across her lower abdomen. Looking up into Squall's eyes, I point at it, tracing my finger along the ugly, jagged mark in the photo.

"Squall, she…they…who?" I feel a hand begin to rub my back and another reaches out and takes the photograph away from me. He stares down at it like I had, and I can see the disgust and anger in his eyes. Collecting myself, I ask, "What did doing that accomplish? It looks as though they were trying to cut out her reproductive organs or something." Squall looks thoughtful for a second before he jumps up off the bed and grabs his laptop, bringing it back over and turning it on.

"You sating that reminded me of a case they had up in Trabia quite a few years ago. A woman, unknown, was found with her belly cut open. Whoever had done it had removed something from inside, and after the initial part of the autopsy it was decided that it had been a baby. Full term pregnancy, apparently, but it was the strangest thing. When they found the woman she looked like death…" He pauses as he types on the laptop and then turns it towards me. "She was clinically dead when they found her and began the autopsy, but when they went in to finish it one day, her body was gone. No prints were found at the scene but the doctors and one footprint from the dead woman. Look at the cut, though, Rin." As he has been speaking, that is the only thing I've been able to look at. The same ugly, jagged mark as the woman found in the woods.

"What do you think this means, Squall?" My voice shakes as I look between the two photos.

"I haven't figured that out yet. Either a copycat or the same person targeted both of these women." He gets quiet as I flip on to the next photo…the forest where she was found. These are photos taken by Zell, and I understand now why he has been so quiet recently. In the photo is a picture of a tree branch with ropes hanging down, covered in blood. The ground under the ropes is also covered in the dried liquid, everything a dark rusty red. Discarded off to the side is a shredded piece of fabric, probably what used to be clothing. As I stare at the photo I begin to imagine what it must have been like, that forest at night, being hung by the wrists from a tree, completely helpless. My mind injects the woman into the scene, hanging from the ropes, her body beaten and tortured, head limp and hanging down, her hair shielding her face. The dried blood liquefies and gains back its sickening color, dripping down her flesh, soaking into the ground and coating the grass and everything else. I choke at the image and quickly switch photos.

This one is no better. It shows the same scene as before, only from a different angle. In this picture I can see that blood is also splattered on the surrounding trees. I keep passing through the pictures, trying desperately to rid my head of the images that are now there. I come to a stop when I get back to the woman. Every inch of her body is covered with cuts and scratches. I point to one on a picture of her back and once again look to Squall.

"Is it just me, or do these look like whip marks?"

He leans closer and inspects the marks I am pointing to. "Certainly looks like the damage Quistis inflicts when she uses her whip."

Shuddering, I stare at the photo. "Just…what she must have gone through. Whoever she is, she'll never be the same again. No way you could live through that and not change. They wanted her dead, whoever it was, but they wanted her to die in the most painful way they could think of." Squall wraps an arm around my shoulders and I lean into him, closing my eyes against the pictures of cuts, gashes, slashes…closing my eyes against the horror that is this woman's life. "I don't know why Squall, but I feel like I owe it to this woman to get revenge for the wrongs done to her. I feel it deep in my soul…" After that I am silent, as is Squall. He just holds me as I slowly let the tears stream down my face, confused about why I am crying, but knowing at the same time that this woman's suffering is somehow my own as well.

After fifteen minutes I pull back and look Squall straight in the eyes. He leans in and kisses me before I stand, clutching the photos in my hand.

"I'll take these to show Quistis. She may be able to find something we can't." He nods his head and watches me leave, I can feel his eyes on me. Once out of his room I head to the conference room even though I still have five minutes before we are supposed to meet. When I get to the conference room, I toss the photos onto the long table and take a seat, staring at my hands as I play with the rings on my necklace. When I glance back up I start as I see that when I tossed the photos they spread out a bit, revealing that they all connect. Standing up, I begin to piece the puzzle of the woman's body together. Just as I finish and put Zell's photos of the scene in the woods aside, the door opens and Laguna enters. He stops short when he sees the table, his mouth hanging open, and I remember that he was one of the people who found her in the woods.

Behind him comes Ellone who stares for a second before quickly turning away and burying her head in Laguna's shoulder. Everyone else who is coming soon follows and similar reactions occur. It is Seifer who gets everyone moving again.

"Come on, we all saw her. We knew what it was like."

With that, everyone takes a seat around the table, averting their eyes from the flat woman lying on the table in front of them as much as possible. Clearing my throat and also avoiding looking at the table top, I start the talking.

"So…what exactly is going on here?"

"It's the victim. We knew…we _know_ her. All of us."

"Sarah?" I know several Sarahs, but I'm not really friends with any of them.

"Come one, her name is Sarah Talbucks. Sound familiar?" Seifer looks at me with one eyebrow raised as my eyes go wide and my jaw drops.

"Selphie!" I look down at the photo collage of the tortured and abused body before looking back up, tears making everything blurry. "You mean…_she _is _Selphie_?" I gesture to the table top and get affirmative nods from everyone gathered around the table. My mind is suddenly filled with images of Selphie: swinging her nunchaku in battle, a smile on her face, running through the halls of Balamb Garden, her face lighting up at an opportunity to plan a party…Selphie wearing Irvine's cowboy hat at the table in the cafeteria, a huge smile on her face as she devours her coffee and donut. At this image I feel the first tear slide down my cheek, followed by many more. Shaking my head I try to keep my tears in control as the image in the forest comes back into my head, only now instead of hanging forward, limp, the woman's head is up, her green eyes staring straight into mine, staring through me, no tears left in her body. This image pushes me over the edge and loud sobs escape me as I feel arms envelope me in a hug: Quistis wraps me in her embrace, and as I look at her, I see the tears shining in her eyes that she will not allow to fall.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Wow…another chapter! It's amazing what one can accomplish when on a break, it truly is. Anyway, maybe I'll even get another chapter out over break, who knows. All depends on how much I'm home, which as of right now is not looking like it will be a lot. So tell me what you think of this chapter, any suggestions or questions, flames or compliments, whatever, I accept all. Oh, and the song at the beginning of this chapter is _Come Back to Me_ by Frank Sinatra.

-Gilly Bean the editing fiend

Edited 11.28.08


	11. Revelations

**Chapter 11: Revelations (Quistis)**

_Just to say we're sorry,  
For the black eyes and bleeding lips.  
And it's hard to forget  
How many lies we've told._

Or how old we'd grow,  
Before I said goodbye.  
So let's scrape our knees on the playground.

It's not your fault,  
You feel okay.  
It's too late in the day.  
It's not your fault,  
You feel betrayed.  
You can't come out to play.

I never listened to a word you never said.  
I never listened to a word you never said.

Wasting the hours now,  
We're all suckers for tragedies.  
And start this over again,  
And you bring us to our knees.

As sunrise comes,  
And the story will sell,  
A few hundred papers,  
So we'll follow you up.

It's not your fault,  
You feel okay.  
It's too late in the day.  
It's not your fault,  
You feel betrayed.  
You can't come out to play.

I never listened to a word you never said.  
I never listened to a word you never said.

So raise your hands up high,  
And let this rain pour on.  
So raise your hands up high,  
And wash us away.

Like innocence and childbirth,  
You look just like your mother  
And you look just like your father.  
Forgive him our father,  
Your son is smiling,  
So lay roses around you. 

* * *

Nothing. I cannot feel a thing as I stare at the ceiling, and it is bliss. After comforting Rinoa out of her hysteria I needed to get away from everybody. Slipping away from the conference room and that sickening puzzle of tortured flesh on the table, I actually made use of my own hotel room, creeping in and throwing my body on the double bed with such force that the mattress half shifted off the bed frame. Wrapping myself in my own arms I lay on my side on the bed, glaring at the wall and breathing deeply. Somewhere in the midst of my silent meditation I dozed off, and just now awakened to the empty room. Turning to lay on my back, I stare at the ceiling for a while before getting the itch to move. I jerk myself up and off of the bed, and before I have time to think about where I'm going my feet have brought me to his room.

Not bothering to knock, I open the door and slip in, immediately calmed by his smell. Much like me a few minutes before, he is laying on his back, staring at the ceiling. Unlike me, he has a cigarette between his fingers, and he raises it to his lips and takes a drag. Smoking is a habit he picked up in the time after Time Compression and before we found him again. He had picked up all kinds of bad habits in those fifteen months, as he had tried to drown out the memories of what had happened when he was under the power of the sorceress. It had been very painful for me when we found him, because he had been in such poor shape. Shaking me head, I bring myself back to the present. As Seifer exhales the smoke he turns his eyes to me, standing by the door.

"Well, are you coming in or what?"

Glaring, I close the door and crawl up next to him on the bed, removing the cigarette from his hand and taking a drag before balancing it in the ashtray on the bedside table and laying my head on his chest. His heartbeat under my ear relaxes me, reassures me of his existence. A lazy hand reaches up and unclips my hair, running through it in a lethargic manner. We stay like this for many minutes before we both slowly drift into a deep slumber that lasts until morning.

Waking early as usual I lift my head and rest it in my palm as I watch Seifer sleep for a few moments before dragging myself out of bed, careful not to wake him. He never has been much of a morning person. Lightly kissing him, I slip into the bathroom with a change of clothes to shower. When I'm done I throw my damp hair up into a messy ponytail and dress in jeans and a black tank top before heading down for breakfast with the other early risers…which consists of Laguna, Rinoa, and Zell this morning. Everyone else is still curled up under their comforters, snoozing the morning hours away, and won't be up until ten, at the earliest, I'm sure.

"Good morning, Quisty," Zell greets me quietly, and the others chime in as well. Nodding a greeting back I grab a cup of coffee, a bowl of oatmeal, and a slice of cantaloupe before sitting down at the table. Digging into my food, I note the silence of my companions…not an unusual occurrence recently. Finishing my breakfast, I study the other people at the table before clearing my throat and speaking.

"I think I'm going to go to the hospital…see if I can find anything else out there. Zell, have you been informed of the latest events?" The only answer I get is a nod as he is lost in his thoughts. "Good…Rinoa, Laguna I trust you will clue everyone else in." Standing, I bid them a farewell before going back to Seifer's room to collect my bag containing my ID that will get me into Galbadia Garden, and then heading down to the car we are currently renting to get everywhere we have to go.

The drive is uneventful and I arrive at Galbadia Garden in no time. Climbing out of the car and locking it, I enter the hospital wing and trek to the ward Selphie was held in. Once again finding myself at the nursing station of this ward, I wait for the nurse behind the desk to get off the phone before asking what I came to. When the man hangs up the phone I clear my throat to get his attention.

"Yes, may I help you?" His eyes travel over my body and I bite my tongue just in time to prevent a sarcastic comment from slipping out. I've been spending too much time with Seifer, I think to myself with a smile. If I piss this guy off, I may not get what I want, but I know just as well as any woman that if I can distract him a little with how I look than I should use it to my advantage.

"SeeD Quistis Trepe. I was assigned to a mission involving one of your patients, Sarah Talbucks, whom was recently discharged. Apparently her nurse went with her, but they've both disappeared…any information you could give me would be helpful at this point."

"Ah, yes, Miss Talbucks. Her nurse was Keisha Crovin I believe. If you can just show me some ID I can look it up, get you Ms. Crovin's file even." Pulling out my ID I show it to him and he nods before typing like crazy on the keyboard, probably verifying my identity.

"I'll print out Keisha's SeeD record for you, and Miss Talbucks's medical record from her stay here. That's all I can give you though…literally. I don't know how else I could help you. It'll all print out on that printer over there, but it will take a while…this is a lot of information."

"Thank you very much. I'm sure this will help me out somehow." He nods and is quickly distracted by the phone ringing. I take this as my cue to go, and walk over to the printer, waiting. Picking up the first page, I sigh as I look in the upper right corner…page one of 263? Damn. And that is just the nurse's records. Resigning myself to a bit of a wait I plop down in a chair, slouching.

Just as I am starting to get frustrated with the slow pace of the printer I spot a familiar hat; a hat that I have not seen in a while; a hat that makes me want to hide for a split second. But it is too late, as the owner has obviously already spotted me and is on his way over.

"Hey, Quistis, what are you doin' here?" Taking a deep breath I look up into Irvine's face and smile.

"Believe it or not, collecting information for a mission. Why are you here? I thought you were dispatched on a long term mission."

Shaking his head he removes the hat and slumps into the chair next to me. "Well, things went much smoother than anybody expected…at least, completin' the mission did. I'm up here to check on one of my colleagues that got injured. What kind of mission has you all the way out here?"

"A Laguna Loire mission. Someone in Winhill was attacked pretty savagely and he hired us to investigate." He nods.

"All of ya'll?"

"From Rinoa through Zell. So…what are you going to do now then?"

"I suppose I'll head on back to Balamb, see what Cid has for me. Listen, Quisty…has there been any news 'bout Selphie?" The look in his eyes reminds me of another time, back in Balamb Garden.

* * *

My eyes glance around the Quad, taking in the distinct lack of a Garden Festival Committee and causing me to sigh. As I take a seat in a discreet corner I notice someone else walk in and take a seat on what is left of the stage. It takes me a minute to recognize Irvine without his coat and hat, both having recently been abandoned in favor of jeans and a black t-shirt and he has retired his legendary cowboy hat and cut his even more infamous hair to about chin length, his hair held back from his face with gel. The changes that have taken place in him lately have been a bit worrisome. Besides the wardrobe change, he's also stopped flirting with all of the pretty girls and become disturbingly quiet.

Standing from my spot I walk over and sit next to him. My anger subsided weeks ago when he had become so withdrawn…when I figured out that he really did care for Selphie. He looks up at me and nods a greeting before zoning back out again. Placing a hand on his shoulder, I decide my course of action.

"Irvine?"

"Hm."

"You're worrying me. I mean, you haven't been at all like yourself recently and it's starting to scare me, seeing you like this. You've never been the quiet type…not even when we were kids." He just grunts his response. "Well…if you decide to talk about it, I'm willing to listen."

* * *

Snapping back into reality when Irvine gently shakes me, I look up into his pleading eyes and feel like a heel. I should tell him…but I can't do it. It is obvious that Selphie went to great pains to disappear, even from us, but especially from Irvine. Just as the side rallying for Irvine starts to make a comeback, a cry breaks through the air…a baby's cry…that I recognize. Turning, I spot Ellone and Kiros walking towards us, Elle cradling Tessa and desperately trying to get her to quiet down. Thankful for the distraction, I jump up and pull Irvine over to Elle and Kiros.

"Irvine Kinneas! I almost didn't recognize you!" Ellone is referring to his clothes, still not his usual sort of attire. He is wearing olive green pants and a dark blue t-shirt, with black boots on his feet. The chaps, the blue vest, even his necklace is gone, and his old earring has been replaced with a simple stud. He doesn't smile as much…and when he does, I can tell that it is fake. An impulse to hug him overtakes me, a need to protect him from his pain…the older sister in me pushes forward with a vengeance, but I hold back. Consoling my sisterly instincts with the knowledge that at least he has his old hat again…trying to trick myself into thinking he is coming around, I tune myself back in just in time to hear his answer.

"Well, Elle, it's a pleasure to see you." He smiles, yet another forced smile, I note. "Who's the little lady makin' all the fuss?" Uh-oh.

"Oh! This is Tessa. Her mother was in the hospital…now she's just…disappeared." Elle directs her next comment to me as Tessa continues to fuss and cry. "We came to visit the Nova's, but I'm afraid Tessa is being quite a handful and I don't want to stress them, what with everything that has been going on recently." She gets a gleam in her eye that I'm not sure I like as she glances between Irvine and I.

Elle moves quickly, transferring Tessa from her own arms into the surprised ones of Irvine. He looks down at the little girl in his arms, and to everyone's surprise, she stops crying and looks up at him. My breath catches in my throat as I watch, seeing two sets of identical eyes staring into one another. She has his eyes…I never noticed it before now. Irvine stares for a few more seconds, and then snaps his eyes up to meet mine when Tessa smiles at him.

All of a sudden I feel guilty. Guilty that I know that Selphie was here; guilty I did not do a better job of protecting her; guilty for ever being angry with Irvine; guilty for knowing that the child he holds now is his, and not telling him. In an attempt to rid myself of the guilt, I do the only thing I can think of at the moment.

"Irvine, why don't you join us…you can help us with this mission. I'm sure Cid won't mind." He nods his consent, once again enthralled by Tessa, who is now a quiet, yawning angel in his arms.

"Elle, Mr. Seagul, you were going to visit the Nova's?"

Ellone drags her eyes away from Irvine and Tessa and looks at me when she answers, "Yes, Quisty. We were going to make sure they were both doing well and maybe let Tessa visit with them."

"Hey, Quis, just what kind of mission is this, anyway?" Irvine cradles Tessa carefully in his arms and I bite back a smile when I notice he is gently rocking her.

"Well…it was an investigation into a brutal attack at first, an investigation into the brutal attack of Tessa's mom, actually. But now there have been new occurrences, and I'm afraid it will now be a search and rescue mission, as it appears the woman has been kidnapped. I can inform you more when we get back to Winhill."

"What's her name—the woman I mean?" Shit.

"Sarah. Her name is Sarah." Don't ask…just don't ask. He opens his mouth, as though to question me further, but he is cut off when my cell phone rings. Thanking Hyne and excusing myself, I look at the screen and see that it is Squall calling and excuse myself to a location out of ear shot of Irvine.

"Quistis here."

"Quistis, Rinoa told me you were at Galbadia Hospital. When you're finished there come to…Sarah's house…we have a lot to talk about."

"Yeah, we do. Listen, I'm getting a bunch of information that will need to be read through. Seifer and I can do that easy enough, but we have an addition to the team." I can hear him shift before he responds.

"Who, Quistis? Cid didn't inform me of anything."

"Well, Cid wouldn't say anything about this because he doesn't know. I ran into Irvine up here…he finished his mission early, and I figure we could use all the help we can get—" I am cut off as I hear noise on the other end, and then Rinoa's voice.

"Are you insane Quisty? Irvine! You know what the situation is here; do we really need him making things worse when we find her? I don't think this is a good idea…not at all."

"Well, I'll take your objection into account, but it's going to happen no matter what. Listen, you know how I feel about this whole situation, Rin. I wouldn't do anything to hurt her. Right now, I think what we need is Irvine…he knows her the best of any of us. Hell, he knows us all probably better than we know ourselves. He'll be helpful in this…especially after he figures out the whole story. As much as we were mad at him, Rin, we both know that he really cares about her and he'll do all that he can to get her back. Now put Squall back on, please." Rinoa sighs on the other line.

"All right."

"So when do you plan to head back here, Quistis?" Squall comes back on the line.

"As soon as I gather up the rest of my information and get everyone settled. I guess Irvine will have to get his stuff as well, and then we'll be on the road back."

"Fine, just come to the house when you get here. I guess we'll have to keep up the Sarah façade for Irvine…not that it will take him long to see through it. Unless you plan on telling him who the victim really is."

"I haven't decided yet if I am telling him anything more than the basics before we got back to Winhill. I'm pretty sure someone will slip somewhere along the way, so it would be best just to inform him on our own…eventually."

"Agreed. See you at the house, Quistis." He hangs up the phone, as do I. Turning back around, I watch Irvine, Tessa, and Elle interact and know…he has to know. There is no way I can live with myself if I don't tell him what is going on…or at least as much as I know about what is going on. Striding back over to the group, I try to figure out how I'll tell him.

"Hey Elle, is it alright if we just take Tessa back with us since she seems so enamored with Irvine?"

"That's fine, Quistis. She's been cranky with us all day, wouldn't settle down at all. I'm just happy to see her smiling, to be honest."

Nodding, I reach out and carefully take Tessa from Irvine. When he gives me a weird look, I grin. "You have to go get your stuff and check up on your colleague. I'll watch her while you do that, and then we can get going. We have to meet up with Squall and everyone when we get back in Winhill, and we cannot be too long, so get going." Irvine shakes his head at me and turns to go.

"I'll meet back up with you in the cafeteria, Quistis. I'll try to be fast." With that, Irvine heads off towards another hall, another ward.

"Quistis…you do plan on telling him, right? I mean, it will only take one time hearing Sarah Talbucks for him to figure it out. Uncle Laguna should have thought of that if he really wanted to help keep her identity secret. I'm actually surprised Selphie didn't come up with a better name than that."

"So am I. Well, I guess after I grab my information we're off to the cafeteria. Have fun visiting the Nova's. I'll see you later Ellone, Mr. Seagul." With that I nod my goodbye and check on the printer. Thanking Hyne that everything is through printing, I balance Tessa before grabbing the papers and shoving them into my bag and heading for the elevators, waving Tessa's tiny fist at Kiros and Elle as they leave.

When I get to the cafeteria, I get a glass of iced tea before sitting down at a table, Tessa in my lap, and pulling the papers out again. Organizing the papers into the correct order, I glance over the front page before once again putting it all into my bag. Tessa begins to get fussy as we sit and I groan as I realize I have nothing to entertain her. Rummaging through my bag, the only thing I come up with are my keys, and she does not seem amused with them. Just as Tessa begins to cry and I start to get frustrated, Irvine appears and takes her from my lap. Like magic, she once again quiets down. Quickly finishing my tea, Irvine, with Tessa in his arms and a duffle bag over his shoulder, leads the way out of the cafeteria, and together we walk to the car, where we get settled for the ride back to Winhill…one that will not be easy for Irvine or me.

Ten minutes into the drive, I decide it is time to tell Irvine as much as I can about just what we are driving towards…just who is involved. Getting up my courage to start, I settle on the only way I know to inform him: Be blunt and just tell the truth.

"Irvine?" God, I'm nervous. He looks at me so I continue. "There's some information about this mission…Okay, so we came here to investigate an attack. The victim was beaten and stabbed, bones broken, she was found hung from a tree by her wrists, apparently she was whipped, all but her underwear removed…left for dead. Sarah…that is what they called her around us. But Seifer and I figured it out. Sarah Talbucks…and Selphie still missing from Trabia." He turns and stares at me, I see out of the corner of my eyes.

"You mean…someone did that to _Selphie_? She was in Winhill? What for…and—" His eyes get wide as he looks down at Tessa. "The victim was her mom…Tessa is Selphie's daughter." He stops abruptly. "How old is Tessa?"

"She is a little over two months old."

"Two months? She's…she's _my_ daughter."

"I know."

"You _know_?"

"Yes. I figured it out. Selphie had told me that you two slept together, and then once I figured out she had a baby and the math added up...so, yeah...you're a daddy, Irvine."

"But why did she run away? I just don't get it. I would have taken care of her, I even went to her room before she left to make sure that she was fine but she just wanted me to leave, which made me mad enough to actually do as she said and leave. And you say she was attacked? Who would do that to her?"

"I'm afraid my description does not even begin to do justice to the damage done to her…but you'll see what I mean. Anyway, now she and her nurse have disappeared, and we have to find her…we're going to find her." Irvine is silent, and a glance reveals that Tessa has fallen asleep in his arms. The rest of the drive to Winhill is in silence, Irvine and I both staring out the window in thought, me driving the car as though on autopilot.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Well, here it is…another chapter. What will happen next? Only I know. I'm evil, yes. Anyway, let me know what you think of this chapter. Don't make me beg. Please? The song is _Roses for the Dead_ by Funeral For a Friend.

-Gilly Bean the overworked.

Edited 11.28.08


	12. Storytelling

**Chapter 12: Storytelling**

_I been had and I been held  
With the ghosts at bay  
I been oaked and I been doped  
And carried away_

_I been charred and I been scarred  
On my own face  
But i never thought I'd see you as I did today_

_Till the angels hung around  
Till the angels hung around  
Till the angels hung around  
As they carried me away_

_I been clubbed and I been snubbed  
By the dogs of LA  
And I been burned and I been learned  
In the same city_

_I been whored and I been gored  
I been less and I been more  
But I never thought I'd see you  
As I did today_

_Till the angels hung around  
Till the angels hung around  
Till the angels hung around  
As they carried me away_

_You were stuck in the badlands  
Acting like a bad bad man  
I been photographed and painted up  
And I been in love only once_

_And I feared the best and loved the worst  
And insisted that I go first  
And watch your eyes as they poured  
And I never really loved you more_

_And I never thought I'd see you  
As I did today_

_Till the angels hung around  
Till the angels hung around  
Till the angels hung around  
As they carried you away_

_And they put you in the ground  
When the angels hung around  
And the angels hung around  
As they carried me away_

Slipping back into consciousness, it takes me no time at all to remember where I am. I've been here for so long, it seems, that I am used to the winding pattern the cracks make on the ceiling. It is a familiar sight, no longer as frightening as it once was. Averna holds her vigil at the window as usual. She has grown even more distant recently, but I do not question why because I figure she will tell me if she wants. Pushing myself up, careful of the bandages that still wind around my slashed but rapidly healing body as a precaution, I slowly stand and make my way to the window to sit by Averna. Not acknowledging each other outwardly we both sit in silence, staring at the world that is dangled in front of our noses, so close and yet unreachable. The second day I was awake, Averna informed me of the rules, and with a glint of malice in her eyes she enlightened me on exactly what would happen if either of us tried to escape. The last person to attempt it wound up drawn and quartered…quite possibly the worst death I've ever heard of. It is this knowledge that keeps us inside the bar-free window.

I've lost track of just how long I have been here. I lost count after I slept for days at a time when I first got here. It has been long enough for my broken arm to mend, and Averna removed the cast a few days ago, so I suppose it has been about six weeks. Not that it matters how long I've been here. Averna was very clear on that; that is about all she has been clear on. Often, I find myself lost in thoughts, and they inevitably lead me back to Tessa. Somehow, I know that she is safe and happy where she is, and this puts me at ease about whatever is to come. As long as Tessa is happy it doesn't matter what happens to me. Life with Ellone and everyone else will be good for her. She'll have people who love her and can care for her, and most importantly they can tell her who she is, who I am…was. If it means Tessa will be happy and safe, I'd give up anything, including my life.

It is on this thought that Averna comes to life beside me, her eyes wide and her breath coming in short gasps, as though someone is choking her. Waiting for her to come back to the present, I take in the scenery: trees as far as you can see…which is not far. It quickly becomes clear to me, though, that this is not the same as all the times Averna has awakened from her trance gasping. Her hand reaches out and grabs my arm, her lips moving as she tries to speak, and then her eyes roll back in her head and she falls unconscious on the window seat. Scared by this, I try to wake her, and when she remains in the dream world that all too often takes her from me, I resign myself to solitude and arrange her in a more comfortable position on the cushion. Just as I finish, I hear a noise outside the door.

Standing, I slowly back myself to the wall, lowering myself until my knees are tucked under my chin, my arms wrapped around my legs. The doorknob wiggles and I can feel tears prick my eyes. Although I am unsure of why, fear has descended and surrounds me. Nobody has been to the room since I was brought here, nobody has even been in the vicinity of the room, and the memory of what they have done to me…what they did to Keisha…it is enough to make me wish I could just disappear before whatever is on the other side of the wall enters. The door opens and in walks Killian, a frown on his face, along with his dark sunglasses that cover the terror that are his eyes.

"You might as well stand and come over here, Charm. They've neutralized Averna and I know you have nothing to defend yourself with. Now, be a good girl and come to me. We both know how much I hate having to get rough with you. It is below me." His voice sends a shiver down my spine, but I do not move.

Footsteps make me look up as Killian towers over me, dark glasses still covering up his eyes so that I cannot see if he is really even looking at me. He shakes his head and crouches down in front of me, a harsh smirk on his face as he reaches out and grabs my chin in his hand. I can feel the anger building up inside of me; anger at being helpless, anger at what has been done to me, anger at this man, so much anger that I cannot contain it all. Drawing in a deep breath, I spit in Killian's face.

"That was stupid, Charm. I am the only one here who does not wish to see you in pieces, so if I were you I'd stay on my good side." He reaches a hand up and wipes his face. "Even your friend over there would rather see you diced into pieces and have her freedom than have to sit in here with you. She might be here to protect you from some of the more pitiful residents of this place, but don't think for a second that she gives a shit what happens to you in the end. Especially if she could gain her freedom, because that is all that matters to her anymore."

"What does your boss want with me? Is anybody ever going to tell me what is going on? Why does it appear best for everyone that I be a corpse?" It takes me by surprise when Killian throws his head back and laughs, and I am even more surprised that it is a genuine laugh.

"Poor Charm. You really don't know, do you? It isn't about you, not really. This is about _what_ you are…what you were born as, it matters very little to us who you are. It does not matter what you have done with your life or how good or despicable of a person you are, your existence alone is the problem." He lets go of my chin and stands up.

"Well…what about you? Why are you here? And Averna…what is her story?" My need for information overrides my fear for a moment.

"I am here because I was in the way. My existence was a thorn in her side. But unlike you, my existence did not cause her pain, just annoyed her, and the annoyance was easily removed once I was conquered. As for Averna…" he glances at the body lying motionless on the window seat. "Well, that is a story she will have to tell you because it was before I was a slave to her whims."

"So what did you come here for? Are you taking me somewhere?" Am I only capable of asking questions?

With a speed I stupidly did not think he possessed, he has a hold on both my arms and has picked me up from my crouching position against the wall, my feet barely touching the ground. Before I can even utter a protest, he has dragged me out the door and is pulling me down a hall. My body is objecting with every step he forces me to take, my wounds screaming as he forces me to move in ways that I should not be moving while I am still healing. For some reason, my voice has fled me, so I cannot even speak out against the way he is hauling me behind him. The pain builds up inside me and just as I get to the point where I think I may disintegrate from the inside out because of it, he opens another door and shoves me through before him, closing the door and locking me in the pitch black room.

The dark prevents me from seeing what comes next; prevents me from attempting to protect myself. Something hard, a gloved fist, smashes into my gut, causing me to double over from the electric pain shooting up my spine and exploding in my brain. The laughter that follows registers in my brain only for a millisecond before the pain once again takes control. The first hit was a surprise, the second one not so much, and by the time I count five, my body has decided for me that I am not going to fight back. My limbs will not move in any way, not even to defend my beaten body. Besides, I don't have any weapon to defend myself with. Resigning myself to this fate that seems to be slowly suffocating me, I begin to stop feeling what is going on; stop seeing it, stop hearing it, stop tasting the blood in my mouth. Long ago I stopped numbering the blows my body is taking, the last number being eight. The last line of defense the body has, I once read in a book in Trabia, is to shut down and send conscious thought somewhere else. The body is still awake, still alert and responding, but the mind has fled the situation.

"Oh, no you don't, Charm. You aren't escaping me." The sinister voice whispers into my thoughts, and the first part of my body I become aware of is my ear as whoever it is tickles it with her breath for a second before biting it, sharp teeth drawing blood as they puncture my flesh. I let out a shriek, and suddenly my body is alive again, fists trying to punch the being next to me, legs kicking out wildly at nothing but air. Once again there is laughter as I struggle and flail against the grip my unseen foe has on me. The being drops me away from herself and giggles as my flailing body hits the uneven ground, causing me to wheeze for air.

"Take her away. She's pathetic." With the dismissal, I feel arms gather me and then the distinct stride of Killian as he carries me out of the dark room. The light that shines against my eyelids tells me that we have left that black hole of a room, and Killian carefully carries me back to the room he took me from in the first place where Averna waits. After putting me back on the slab, he touches my face almost sweetly and then I listen as his steps retreat to the door and there is the ominous _click_ of the lock sliding into place. Laboring, I open my eyes and look down at myself. The clothes I was brought here in are now covered in blood from my re-opened wounds, and a few new ones, and ripped in several places. I cannot sit up because of the pain, and so I stay on my back and close my eyes. Time in this place always seems to stand still, so I have no real idea how long it has been, but I feel Averna standing over me.

"Damn bastards used it on me." Of course, I have no idea what she is talking about, and I have honestly lost the curiosity I once had. I could not care less what she is talking about. All I care about is getting the hell out of here, whether it is through escape or death, I do not care. Averna gently begins to peel away the blood soaked clothes I am wearing and tenderly unwinds the bandages that now encase open wounds. There is no understanding her.

After Averna once again wraps me in binding she puts her arms around my neck and leans down to give me a slight hug. Pulling away, she helps me stand, and then assists me in dressing in clothing that I am unsure of the origin. The old gray sweater has a stretched neck, and therefore it keeps falling off my shoulder. After pushing it up a few times, I give up and leave it. The pants I am wearing now are old jeans that are just a little too big. This is remedied by tying a shred of my old shirt with minimal blood stains through the belt loops, effectively holding the jeans in place on my waist. At least this clothing will offer me a bit more protection against the cold that creeps in at sunset, and it will be padding against the future blows that will undoubtedly come. I'm beginning to wonder if I will ever be allowed to fully heal, or if every time I get close they will take me into that dark room and work me over again. At least I have Averna to atch me up again.

"Why are you helping me now? I thought you hated me." Averna looks at me through guarded violet eyes before answering.

"We are not so unalike, you and I. They want you the same as they wanted me. Their reasons might ultimately differ, but the bottom line is that you are here against your will just the same as I am. You are at the mercy of their whims, as am I. It is not you that I hate, that I am angry at; it is them. That does not mean I like you, though. You are just better than them. They are all her pawns, and that is what she would like me to be as well, but I refuse. And she cannot force me like all the others, because they already took the one thing that meant the most to me a long time ago. Their bargaining tool, and they destroyed it because they knew not what they held." She is silent again, and I think that she is done talking, that she has retreated back into her mind, into a trance like she so often does. I am wrong.

"They wanted me because of the powers I possess, just like they want you for your power. Except mine is not one they can extract: Your power is, and there is where our differences begin."

"My power? What power is that?" Hyne, I'm confused.

"Poor child…you poor Charm. You really know nothing of your origin, do you?" She sighs before continuing, "I suppose I should inform you, then. You are not like everyone else. There used to be others like you, a clan called Amuleto that lived in Southern Trabia, but an unknown sorceress wiped them out along with my people and a people called the Azul. Of my kind there was a handful that survived: My mother, my father and his two brothers, five young girls and three young boys. Of all of the Azul, who lived near what is now Balamb, there were nine survivors, four women and five men. The Amuleto were hit the hardest, as they had held the majority among the three groups, and they were left with the fewest…only eight of them survived…four boys and four girls. They were our ancestors. You are the last pure Amuleto, a fourth generation survivor, I am now the last full Psychique that exists, and your friend is the last of the Azul, also a fourth generation survivor."

"My friend—" She interrupts me.

"Yes, your friend. The blonde. Anyway, over time people forgot most of the stories about our people, and now we are known by different names, by the translations of our clan names into modern language. I am called Psychic, your friend, Blue, and as you know, they call you Charm. They use our clan's name as our name as a way of showing that we are somehow sub-human, somehow below them, and therefore deserve every bit of torture and abuse they can dish out."

"But…I still don't know what powers I have that others don't have."

"Yes, that is because so many people can use a part of your power that nobody would really notice the difference. You have not been coached in your power, so, not surprisingly, it is weak. As a matter of fact, your power is so weak that the segment you can use can also be used by common humans and even I and Blue can use it. Your ability to cure and heal goes so much further than a mere Curaga, but you have never been taught like you should have. The fact that you could use such high levels of healing magic at such a young age is the only real sign of your otherwise dormant power, and it is not nearly odd enough to warrant anyone looking into unless, of course, you knew what to look for."

"You mean…my power is my healing ability?"

"Yes. I can read minds, see future events, speak telepathically, and move objects with my mind, and if I reach a deep enough trance I can escape my body and be free for a while. Blue has her blue magic, although she has not even scratched the surface of what she can do with it. You can heal and cure…at the peak of their civilization the Amuleto could bring people back from the dead, heal diseases, and they were a people that did not grow old because they could even heal their time beaten bodies." She pauses for a moment to let this sink in.

"My people had an alliance with your clan, so we could also live for long stretches of time without aging. There is no difference in the way we look, we all look just like every other human. The difference was the marking each clan would choose to wear." Averna pulls her hair up off her neck and shrugs her leather jacket down, exposing a violet marking on the back of her neck. It is a simple left eye made of a few lines, with two lines underneath, one short and one long. "This is the mark of the Psychique. Your people had their mark on their left shoulder blade in black, and the Azul had their marking on their left foot in blue."

"But…I don't have a mark on my shoulder blade. Is that significant?"

"Of course you don't have a marking. It was custom to wait until the fifteenth birthday to give the mark. The question I have, is, do you want the mark now?"

The question catches me a bit by surprise. It is one I should have been anticipating, I suppose, but I wasn't. Averna and I have never done anything more than coexist in this room together. Most of the time we don't even talk to one another, and I don't know what is making her warm up to me now. Thinking it over, I try to imagine what symbol the clan I came from would have had, but nothing comes to mind but the tattoo on the back of Averna's neck.

"What did our symbol look like? The Amuleto symbol?" I question her.

Averna strides over to the table that holds the water pitcher and sketches something with a piece of charcoal I have never seen before. Looking over her shoulder, I feel something shoot through me when I see the symbol, a feeling of recognition. It is a spiral with a vertical line going through the center, connected to the beginning of the spiral, and on the other side of the vertical line is a small horizontal line. When she finishes, she looks up at me and begins to explain it.

"This is the symbol of your clan. Its job, like the symbols for each clan, was to increase your power. In the Amuleto's case, it would increase your healing power. And this symbol…" She trails off as she sketches another image in charcoal, four touching spirals. "This is Blue's symbol. It represents learning, wisdom and humility. My mark is the all seeing eye, of course. So what do you say…do you want your mark? You are beyond the customary age, after all."

Looking up into Averna's face and trying to digest what she has told me, I weigh my options. I do want the mark of my clan, if only to feel a bit closer to my family; a little closer to my ancestors. But I'm still unsure of this new, friendly side of Averna.

"Huh, that's funny." Averna is watching me closely as she says this.

"What?"

"Well, you don't trust me. Which is completely logical, since I've given you no reason to trust me. But from the moment I met you all of your thoughts have been irrational and jumbled."

"So...why is that funny?"

"It just seems odd that your first torture session would put you back in a rational state of mind."

"I suppose that does seem odd. But I was raised largely in a military academy, and I've been trained for this kind of stuff since I was ten."

Averna raises her eyebrows and slowly nods asa she appraises me. "Now, there is a thought I never picked up on. I should have been disecting your brain instead of sitting on the windowsill trying to mentally escape."

"Um...okay." Averna smiles, and it changes everything about her. I've only seen her with a frown, a scowl, but a smile makes her look younger, less troubled.

"Do you want the mark or not? I promise I'm not being devious, or working for them in any way." Her glare returns as she directs it at the door. "They have nothing left to make me do their bidding." Snapping out of what I'm sure are dark memories, she returns her amethyst eyes to me. "So?"

What the hell, if it may help us in the end, I'll do it. Plus, it will help me feel a little closer to the roots I knew I had but had never known anything about. "Okay." Besides, after the pain I have experienced recently, this should not be so bad.

"I don't know about that. This is a different kind of pain…one you inflict on yourself willingly." Averna once again read my mind. She instructs me to remove the shirt and sit in the chair with my upper body resting on the slab I use as a bed. I do as she tells me and she proceeds to call a needle and ink to her using her powers; where it came from, I do not know. "If it is something that I know exists nearby, I can make it materialize." That answers that question. She goes to work carving the symbol into my shoulder blade, and I realize how right she was. There was no way I could have prepared myself for this pain, but I endure it silently. When she finishes, she wraps a bandage over this new, permanent mark on my back and hands me my shirt. Carefully pulling it on, I feel as though I have just now learned my name. It is like being small again and learning what everything is called and what it is for. I can feel the power of the mark rushing through my veins, a warm comforting presence.

Averna once again goes to her window seat, silent as a blade of grass, and falls into a trance, but this time I know that it's her way of truly escaping this place; her way of keeping ahold of what she has left of her sanity. It is obvious to me that she has been here a long time, longer than I can begin to comprehend. She is a second generation survivor of the sorceress while I am a fourth generation; she still remembers the history of the old clans and what happened, probably told to her by her parents. Somehow, she has endured things that most people cannot even imagine, things I've only begun to get a taste of in my recent torture session.

Knowing why they want me, that they want my ability to heal, does nothing to ease my mind, though. Nobody here seems to be aware of Tessa's existence, but I know it is only a matter of time before they find out about her and want her as well; they would torture her, and she is so small and fragile they would kill her with one blow. Or worse, they would use her to get my complete cooperation. Sinking into the cushion of the window seat next to Averna, I let tears fall for my lost identity, my mysterious capability, and my distant daughter. Reaching out a hand, I place it against the window, my forehead following to rest against the cool glass. Looking out at the trees that appear to surround this place, I close my eyes and let my body relax, falling asleep against the window that stands between me and the guise of freedom.

* * *

Author's Note: Okay. The symbols in this chapter are based on actual symbols. If you want a better idea of what they look like, they can be found by going to Google and looking up the Eye of Horus (Averna's symbol; although technically the left eye is usually referred to as the Eye of Thoth, and rules intuition and magic and reflects lunar energy, telepathy and clairvoyance, traces enemies in dreams and visions), Choku Rei (Selphie's symbol; a New Age healing practice called Reiki uses this power symbol to increase energies available to the healer), and Adinkra Ram's Horns (Blue's symbol; Adinkra are symbols used to decorate colorful fabric by designers in Ghana and the ram's horns represents wisdom, strength, humility and learning). As you can see, all of the symbols really do relate to the powers they have...Look it up and tell me what you think. Anyway, tell me how this chapter goes over. The song at the beginning is called _The Angels Hung Around_ by Rilo Kiley.

Edited 11.30.08

* * *


End file.
